Another New Year.....so to speak Blueyes424: Okay......today is the one year anniversary of my divorce, and I don't know what to do with myself. I am not really sad, because leaving him and his abuse was the smartest thing I ever did, but I can't help feeling like my life is just a big, failed mess. I am not seeing anyone, and he is, and I keep thinkig that no one wants me because I am 25 and divorced. If I couldn't make it work the first time, what would lead anyone to believe that I would be able to make it work a second time?
But then I think back to what our marriage was like, and I think to myself, MY GOD.......NOONE could have a marriage work with that man. But then I think, if I would have tried not to make him mad a little harder, if I would have gone on a diet and lost the weight that he always whined about, then maybe things wouldn't have been as bad. I just feel so lost and frustrated. I mean I am happy that we aren't together anymore, because I have lost about 60 pounds, and I do feel somewhat pretty now, but I am still alone. And he isn't.
I guess I am being pretty silly about that, but you know I don't care, I am!
Re:Another New Year.....so to speak rcmorrison: You know it's OK to feel this way.
After my first marriage failed, I got back out there and dated. My first husband, who was a soldier in the Army, wasn't home much during our 12yrs of marriage. When I found out that he had another family while we were married, I was devastated, but I realized that he didn't deserve me and why would I want to continue a marriage with someone who didn't want to be with me. Someone who didn't want to spend time with me NOR have children. He killed those feelings that I had for him.
The second marriage was different because I LOVED this man with all my heart and still do even now. We dated for a year and had been friends for 5 yrs before. I thought I knew everything about him, but I was wrong. After we were married Aug 6, 2004, he gained custody of his teenage son who had serious behaviorial problems.
His son's behavior made it difficult for me to live in the same house with him. His son would constantly pick at me and whatever I did for him just wasn't good enough. He would tell his mother lies about me yelling at him, etc. and these lies were false.
The incident that led to the downfall of my marriage involved a chair. My stepson accused me of swinging/throwing a chair at him when in reality, I NEVER did. I fell back against a chair, it hit the wall, and then fell on his leg and this incident gave him the ammunition needed to get rid of me.
This boy wanted his parents back together...not a stepmom. Two weeks after this incident, I was asked by my second husband to leave our home and I have not been back in the 7 months since our separation.
My husband has filed divorce and now we're waiting for the finalization of our divorce on April 22nd. I have not spoken with him during this time, but something made me write him yesterday to just say "Hi". I did get a response, but that's all it was...a response.
I still love my husband very much and I pray that we try to work things out between us, but I'm in denial. I still believe in US, but when the date gets here, I feel that belief will die along with my heart.
So sorry for such a long posting...my thoughts are just filled with my husband on my mind. I'm still hurt, but I try to move on. I pray throughout day for change and reconciliation. I keep holding on to HOPE that my marriage will be saved. I just keep on KEEPING ON!!
Re:Another New Year.....so to speak Blueyes424: Wow.....hearing your story makes mine seem so much less devastating. I am so sorry for you that your step son would do something like that. That is terrible. But thanks for your post, and much luck to you!
