Re:How much is too much? hurtingverymuch: Hey JMN!
I'm with you all the way on this one. If you and your ex are both comfortable with the relationship as it is, stay with it. I agree with BB and Old_Shoes, its great and healthy that your kids can see that their parents can still get along. In that aspect you are fortunate that you are able to maintain a friendship such as yours.
Actually our situations are very similar. I think that was the problem with my marriage as well. My s2bx and I are still friendly as well. We have 1 son so we speak and see each other quite frequently. He's actually helped me with a couple of things in my new place as well. My problem though is still the "emotional attachment" on my part anyway. I don't call him just to talk to him or for him to come over but when we do talk or see one another, I sometimes feel myself and my heart letting our guard down once again.
Anyway, I think iit's great for you and your kids.
Take care.
Hugs
Hurt
Re:How much is too much? inebr: I'm totally going to hijack your thread here, sorry.
well, in reference to being friends with the ex ...I guess I should ask, how do you do it, JMN? I am currently being faced with that and have been ever since my stbx decided he didn't want to be married. He wants to keep me in his life and I just don't know how to do it. I am so tempted and I miss him so much sometimes. He called today, said he got "the papers he has to sign". He wanted to know "if we could spend some time together sometime, ...not to do anything, really, just spend some time together." I don't know how to respond to that. I said, ya, maybe we could do that sometime. He said "ok, well, have a good day. Bye"
I just don't know what to say and don't know how to do it.
I don't want to become bitter and mean and resentful. But inside I feel like WHY ???? I feel like he wants my validation and approval and my companionship. And I feel like with-holding that from him given everything that has happened. Is that natural to feel that way? Am I bitter? I just don't feel like I got what I wanted out of the relationship and why continue??? Why keep giving? Maybe I need to learn how to be a friend. I don't know.... I will always want more from him if I keep him as a friend. I will always wonder why it didn't work with me. And if he has a new girlfriend, I will always wonder what she has that I didn't have. It's all so confusing because I honestly feel torn here. I wonder, if I remain close to him and his friend, then maybe, just maybe it will work out.
What is going on here?
Re:How much is too much? JASPER: Inebr:
You have to heal from the pain in order to ever consider being his friend. You were not the one who wanted to end the marriage so of course your going to want more then a friendship,and as long as you try to be friends you will always be wishing for more.
IMO I think your ex is trying to hold on to you just in case he changes his mind.I think he knows exactly how much you love him and how much you want him back and he is playing on that.
Dont let him do that to you move on from him heal yourself first then if you want to be friends great ,but I would think it would be kind of difficult this soon after seperating.
Remeber you wanted a husband not a friend so he cant take one away and try to replace it with the other it will never work.
