what to do blue-eyed-girl: hi...
i don't know what to do. over the past year i have met someone here on the board. recently we met face to face and i have fallen in love with them. i fell in love with their heart before i ever saw them in person... problem is, they are not at the place i am at in recovery...i know that they care about me, and want it to work out when the time comes when they are ready. but i don't know if i can wait for something that could possibly never happen. i would be devastated...that is how much i care about them, but i haven't come out and told them for fear of scaring them away. they are wonderful, would be the ideal person for me to be with, but at this point and time i feel like i get mixed signals - hot at times, distant at others, and only because i've been through it, i know what that's like. i just don't know what to do - do i pull away or hang in there and hope for the best? walking away from them, i am afraid, would be the biggest regret of my life. i am so sad right now, i just need someone to talk to. anyone out there in a similar situation? any advice...
Re:what to do justmenow: Well, I can help a little. I met someone too (not on this board though). We emailed for a while, called, the finally met up several times. I fell for him hard. We had everything in common, really enjoyed one another's company, etc. and I thought he would be at a later stage of recovery than me. He has been divorced for two years.
Then after 3 weeks of whirlwind dating, he drops off the face of the earth. I was devastated. His explanation was that he's not ready for a relationship yet, he thought he was but he wasn't, etc... I did a lot of soul-searching on that one.
So, our relationship is on hold for now. I really hope it comes back, but sort of resigned to the fact that it won't. You can't put your life on hold for someone else. It prevents you from living. Just let what's gonna happen, happen. If it does, then great, if not, well, then it may not have been meant to be.
Sorry if this is confusing - it's late and has been a long week. Hope that helped...
Re:what to do PiscesGoddess: Oh my..what a tough place to be in blue!
I have to agree with JMN that you cant put your life on hold for someone else, that if is to happen , it will.
And if you tell this person how you feel, and they get scared away, then perhaps its not the person for you.
I think you definately have to be 100% honest and open with them and hopefully they will be with you. Can I relate to what you said? In ways...and I had to tell myself, let myself, be thankful and grateful for the experience. You just never know what angels God is going to put in our path, and they cant always stay, but you just cherish the time they are there. I hope this works out for you, that you are getting a gloriously wonderful second chance, and that this person loves you as much as you love them. But, if it is not meant to be, sometimes the noble thing to do is walk away, and let them take care of what they need to, and then if you are meant to be, it will happen in the right time and space. as painful as it can be, I always relate it to the Garth Brooks song..I may have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance....Heres hoping you get to keep dancing. Keep us posted..
HUGS,
Pisces
Re:what to do Bob-Bob: Hey Blue-eyed-girl,
I have to agree with both JMN and Pisces...
Intimacy is that building block in a relationship that can really make the difference... when you are sharing that with someone it is truly very easy to build an incredible amount of emotion and feeling for them.
You definately have to allow that person to become whole and fill those spots in their own life...
for themselves...
I was dating, and got scared off by someone (not from here on OJAR) but that person was also going through alot of healing in their life... what scared me off was the fact that she was trying to use me to fill voids in her life... voids left there by her own divorce... she honestly felt that she was whole but in her conversations with me I could tell that she was not... that she was trying to somehow have me fall into the puzzle where her X had left emptiness.
I guess I am saying that... If you feel that they have more healing to do... then by all means allow them to do so... let them finish their healing...
Pisces mentioned "The Dance" by Garth Brooks... very appropriate... and by all means enjoy the fact that this person this wonderful person has allowed you to be a part of their lives knowing that you will always be a part of them in one form or fashion is something to take great pleasure in...
and if they decide to keep you right there with them as part of their life then....
well now I am just rambing through my own thoughts.....
sorry for the long post....
let us know what happens....
Bob
Re:what to do Anna: I know this is SO none of my business, but I am dying to know who loves who here. I know I won't find out, but I'm so curious that way. Good luck, whoever you are. :)
Click More for the next page.
