Re:friends with extras nanuman: Reading DownSouth's latest thread on the frequent caller has helped me realize that the problem might just be the speed of things. Too much attention too quickly can be overwhelming and make a guy scared. This woman actually has some good traits (which is why we were friends in the first place), and if she were instead the 3rd or 4th person I date after separation, then there could be a definite chance. I should step on the brakes and slow things down. I guess the divorce has messed up things in my head more then I realized.
Re:friends with extras nanuman: So this past weekend I sat down and had the talk. She was very cool about it and said that she knows I'm not ready for anything and am just wanting to feel good about myself and have a carefree time. I didn't say that. All I said was we need to discuss what type of relationship we're in. She came back and said that with the divorce coming to an end, I've got more important things to think about, and that she doesn't want to stress me out thinking about new relationships. I asked her what her expectations were and she said that if it goes somewhere, great, if not, then we'll just be friends who chat and send email to each other. Her understanding definitely impressed me and bumped her up a couple notches in my book. But, can I take all this at face value?
Re:friends with extras JimB: [quote author=nanuman link=board=6;threadid=10018;start=0#msg81614 date=1113828421">
But, can I take all this at face value?[/quote">
[shrug"> What choice do you have? If she hasn't given you any reason to think she's going to misrepresent her feelings to you, then there's no reason not to believe her.
Re:friends with extras gumby55555: Nanuman, I tend to agree with JimB... it seems to me that you've more than done your part in this, based on what you said. And I disagree with Medusa... I don't think you're being an AH at all! You, in fact, seem to care for her feelings and seem to be forthright and honest; she's an adult and is responsible for what situation she allows herself to be in. In my opinion, you've more than done your part... and if she did mis-represent her thoughts or feelings, the onus is on her. All the best, my friend...
Re:friends with extras rhondam71: Wow...I say Kudos to you for handling this one so well. It is a little strange that "we" as a society have rebounds and Friends w/benefits relationships to "get over" and move on, but it is what we tend to do. Surely she is old enough to know what she wants and what she doesn't and if you have clearly discussed this with her as you stated, then like others have said, take it as face value. However, a slight word of caution...I found myself in a similiar situation many years back and while I said those very words that your friend said and still found myself emotionally vulnerable in the end. Thankfully he and I stayed friends through it with no falling outs.
Good luck and happiness!
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