OhMiGod... dominowin: OhMiGod, I wish it wasn't ten to one in the morning so at least I could call someone...I just took a quick look at the Internet dating site that I'm on and came upon my s2bx's profile...I don't know if any of you remember my pathetically pathetic story but it involved being denied sex for years until I finally came to my senses and walked out the door. Well, here he is on the site looking for someone new, including references to sensuality and his "wild side." I just e-mailed him a nasty, nasty, nasty e-mail which I shouldn't have sent but I did. I feel like I could rip his head off of his body, or his heart out of his chest. His photo for his profile was taken in the living room of the apartment that we *still* own together, that he *still* lives in with the dog that I raised from a puppy with him, with our couch and a poster we bought from France together in the background and my grandmother's lamp visible.
Please someone tell me what to do with all of this anger, I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel frozen and yet I feel like I'm about to burst into flames. >:(
Re:OhMiGod... justmenow: Well, I know it's hard to see him out there, but there's really not much you can do about it. You haven't achieved the emotional divorce yet, which is more significant than the legal one. In the emotional divorce, you won't care what he does with his life because you will be too busy living yours.
You're right, you probably shouldn't have sent the email, but I have done the same thing so I don't really blame you. I wouldn't do it again - it's not going to change anything except possibly make things worse. Just don't look at his profile anymore and hope he hooks up with some psycho-high-maintenance twit.
Sorry you're so upset! I hope you feel better soon...
Re:OhMiGod... JASPER: I'm sorry Marji, but JMN is right after a while it wont even bother you what he does.Until you get there you have to be strong it's the only way to make it through this mess.
Re:OhMiGod... Jernigan: Marjie,
I posted an ad shortly after my wife left me---so I guess in that way the situation was different. I can tell you why I posted my ad: first and foremost, I wanted to make some new friends, and I have always gotten along best with women instead of men; secondly, I felt angry at having wasted so much time twiddling my thumbs in expectation of a reconciliation that was never going to happen, so I wanted to get on with my "life" immediately; thirdly, I was just plain angry and this felt like some small measure of control I could assert over my life; and last and certainly least---and I'll be honest here---I knew I wasn't going to enter something too serious, as I made explicitly clear in the ad, as I did my marriage predicament---but I wanted to be physical with a woman again. It's been months, and I'm not the type to pick up women in bars.
With all this said, I too would be in a rage. God, how that must have hurt. I'd be hurt too. And there'd be a large part of me to write an e-mail, though I imagine I would have gone about it differently; in fact, I would have responded to his ad, just to shock the h*ll out of him. Maybe a little crazy, but what can I say?
I find when I feel such overwhelming anger and sadness that it helps to let it out by talking to my therapist or calling up some friends on the phone. Or posting on my blog or here at Ojar. There are people who are willing to listen and help---unlike, evidently, your husband.
Best of luck to you...
Re:OhMiGod... atd74: Marjie,
Oh jeez! Sounds like what I went through right before my divorce hearing! I filed in April and the jerkoff posted his profile on match.com maybe a few weeks after that! And I was so hurt and angry and mad at him. Why? Because I did everything and anything to try to save our marriage to no avail in the end. He also, among many other things, denied me physical attention. But, when I told him I was filing for good he begged and cried and chased me! He was literally hanging on my belt loops not to leave him.
Then I come to find him on match.com - and of course everything on there was a complete lie and who would of known except me right? I think some of you may remember that this was when I first joined OJAR and I posted to stay away from him? That was my gut reaction - to warn other women!
As someone else stated, you may have not emotionally detached yourself from him and that's what makes you so upset and angry as I was. Now, I could care less what he does.
All you can do is stay off the site he's on - you don't want him playing games with you either. He may take it upon himself to screw around with you if you know what I mean. Don't look at his profile anymore as JMN said. When I first saw my ex's that's all I did was go on there and look at it and all it did was pi** me off even more.
Don't send him anymore emails or communciation about this. What's done is done now but it will only allow him to shoot back something mean and nasty to you that will probably hurt you. (As mine has done).
Channel your anger into activity - it's Saturday so go out and enjoy the fall colors and weather.
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