Re:lonely but not for the X jillieb44: The only thing that really helped me early on was to remember how lonely I was even when we were married. Even though he was there physically, I was so alone emotionally. In some ways, that was harder than not having him at all. In fact, I take that back, it was harder to know he didn't want to emotionally/mentally be with me.
So true. I try to remember this when feeling sad. Usually just spending two minutes with the ex cures me ::) (we have kids and they are back and forth)
Jillie
Re:lonely but not for the X LostTeacher: it's true though.... most of us could probably agree that we felt pretty lonely even when we were still with our partners. i know i felt this.... like he was there, but i couldn't really talk to him. i was just ignored by him, and if i was really concerned about something, it was extremely hard to talk to him about it. our connection was changing, we were avoiding ourselves in the house, it just wasn't working.
but i have to admit, it's still lonely. i am sad about that, and i agree with twg, that we are used to being with this person all the time, and no matter what we do, until we have another relationship (which most of us are just not quite ready for), we won't be able to fill that void.
Re:lonely but not for the X helplessness: thanks for the advice.
What about if I took a lodger in, rented the spare room? Would that spare the loneliness, was my partner just someone to come home to?
Whats your opinion on this?
Part of my upset was that I failed again to maintain a relationship. I took onboard (a very ill) person (mentally) at the time and tried to live a normal life with him. That was not possible with his issues and problems (x's etc). I couldnt live with the mess around the house, the loneliness even when he was upstairs on the computer or out at his counselling session/visiting friends, lack of committment (not physically or cheating) to maintaining the home and status in life. But for the first time since I was 18, I had someone to come home to. Of course, I've now got Kinobe (a friendly dog with an active tongue and tail)
So to counter act the future, should i try to learn how to share my living space, or was the relationship just too hard to maintain due to circumstances.
was it circumstances or lack of experience why I failed with living with some.
Do I need to learn these skills before I move to another serious relationship????????
Re:lonely but not for the X Sad Eyes: First Letting Go brought up the point of missing the companionship that is what all of us are missing here. Not just somebody to come home to but somebody who can spoon with you on cold nights, give massages, take care of you when you are sick, somebody to Make Love too...not just have sex with. All of that stuff...just the connecting with another person on a emotional and physical level...That is what I miss the most!!! But we need to remember this loneliness we are feeling isn't forever and hopefully that is enough to get us through until the "Right One" comes along.
I love how Timetobefree brought up the fact that even if you have someone you can still be lonely and I am there right now. I do still have someone here (even though that time is almost up) but it doesn't matter because I am not connecting with him in an emotional or physical way ...not in any way to be honest with you. I guess I would rather be lonely alone than lonely together. :-\
Hang in there! This is only a moment of your life here....the best is out there! We just need to be patient with ourselves! :)
SE
Re:lonely but not for the X jen: I doubt that your partner was just someone to come home to and I don't think a lodger wouldn't "fix" things. It's what having that someone to come home to symbolizes...and we can feel lonely in a crowded room full of people. On the flip side, we can also feel contentment and peace in an empty room.
I don't doubt that you loved your ex, and I don't beleive that we choose who to fall in love with, but when I read your last post, I was struck by the fact that it doesn't sound like he was ever capable of being a full participant in your relationship. I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but it doesn't sound like he could ever be what you wanted.
There is something for us to learn from each and every experience and relationship in our lives. No matter how many experiences we have, there is always more to learn and more ways to grow.
mtmo/scs
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