Mixed Emotions Dunno: Just wanted to post, because I really dunno what I want to say? I am at a point of confusion kinda spot. I love him deeply, dream of days gone by ect, and still have my crying sessions. *sigh* Yet, I can't explain the "void" I feel? I see no future, nothing to look forward to ect, but other than those times my life looks completely empty, I no longer feel I want to die. Haven't gone to a lawyer yet, (too expensive), and I have this horrible feeling he will act as the man I love and help. I know this is wrong, but I have to hold on to that. Next month will be horrible financially, and even now he refuses to pay for my car. I have to hope I find a lawyer or file for support myself. I want my life back, I have always loved life, found something good in everything/everyone, I hate this person I am becoming, have became. I am short with most people, sometimes even rude, helps me to not like myself even more than I already dislike me. I really am trying to look ahead, it's just sooooooo far away. He will never realize how much I have loved him, and always will. Will he ever realize how much he has hurt me? Murder incognito.
