I'm so torn..need advice DazednConfused: My wife moved out about 6 weeks ago. She said, as so many other have heard, she needs some space and time to figure out what she wants. She says she still loves me, and is open to the idea of working out our problems, but is not sure if that is what she wants. I am totally head over heels in love with her, and truly want to try to fix our problems together. We have been spending time together as friends. We have a great time together, then the subject of our future comes up. She gets totally pissed whenever I even broach the subject, and it pushes her further away. I just don't know what to do, it's not like I can just turn off my love for her. I'm afraid I'm just setting myself up for even more pain holding on to the hope that we will eventually get back together. I don't want to let go if the possibility of our future together is still there, but I need to move on with my life if it is not. She says she just doesn't know. I am so lost right now, my heart is telling me to hold on, but my brain says it is time to move on. Which is right?
Re:I'm so torn..need advice sheydp: The hard part is, no one here can answer that for you... I wish we could... I wish we could hold up a globe and show you the alternate futures... We can listen, offer advice to help you follow the path you want to... (Our advice is better the more info we have, by the way) Ultimately, though, only you can know your heart and how much and how long you want to risk it. I am sorry this is so hard on you, wish I could do something for you!
Re:I'm so torn..need advice DazednConfused: I know it is a decision that only I can make for myself, and there is no easy answer. Some days I feel like it is only a matter of time until we are back together. I try to picure my future without her, and is not something I even want to consider, but I know I have to. I really want to let her go, and to get on with living the rest of my life. I think that is really what I need to do, but my heart just won't let me. I hear everyone on the board saying I should have no contact, but she really is my best friend. She has told me countless times that no matter what happens with our marriage, she want to remain best friends. How can I ever get over her if she is still in my life? Arrrgghh. I want to ip my hair out!
Re:I'm so torn..need advice sacoderisa: I think i am listening to myself. I did fall in love with my best friend. She still considers me her best friend....but think about it, who helps who? are you there whenever she needs you? I bet you do....how about her, is she there now? when you really need a best friend to hold you and tell you how things will get better? is she listening to your cries for that love that you so deeply have?....there is no best friend there my friend, I might be a newbie in the site and young as hell (just 24), but I know exactly what's going trough your head as I was just like you, i got her back, but only to loose her again and this time was even harder. Move on buddy, move on, some people will disagree with me saying this, but at the end, moving on is what needs to be done....i should be saying that to myself as well. I know firsthand how hard it is.
Re:I'm so torn..need advice snowyheart: Hey dazed,
Believe me when I say, I know how you feel.
Just remember, you can't control her, change her, make her love you more, make her want you more, make her move back in. So, you need to let her do whatever she's gonna do. Don't sell out who you are just to keep her. Don't jeopardize your character and integrity just to get her back.
If she is not willing to stay with you by her own choice, then you've got to at least begin to let go, just a little.
She may be your best friend, but is she acting like a friend.
I'm here to talk, anytime.
snowyheart
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