new dating situation - please help down south xhubbie: Ok, I've been dating someone for 10 days. Everything has been really good in a lot of ways. She's funny. I'm attracted to her. Her kids are good kids, etc. , etc. etc.
However, the problem, for me, is that the whole thing seems to be moving a bit too fast for me. I'm getting called first thing in the morning, as soon as I get off of work, when I'm leaving her house, when I'm driving to her house. If she can't get me on my home phone, I get called on my cell phone.
Her 8 year old son has been putting his head on my shoulder since I first met him. He even said, while on my first family outing, we can stop by the mall to pick out a ring for the wedding ( no, I'm not kidding !! :o I laughed really hard and his mom looked like she was in shock )
I really like her. I really like her kids.
The kids had been trying too hard the first two times that I was around them. Then they were relaxed the last two times that I was around them.
she claims that she is very picky and often drops guys at the least sign of a red flag. Due to her appearance, kindness, and outgoing personality, I don't doubt that she's had a number of 'suitors'. For whatever reason, I seem to be "exactly" what she's "looking for". However, she has this great fear that I will walk away for some reason. Right now, the only thing that will drive me away is too much clinginess and too little private time. :(
How do I politely say, "we're moving too fast. Please back off just a little and give me some space" ? Maybe that's exactly what I should say. However, I don't want to risk losing this, because it really has a great deal of potential to become a long term relationship. She does have a lot to offer. Also, I don't want to hurt her.
Re:new dating situation - please help AmyMarie1972: Hi,
That is a tough situation to be in. You are going to have to talk to her though. Explain to her that because of your past you want to do eerything properly with her because she is special. You want to look at building a relationship and not rushing one. You don't want to take the risk of going full on into the relationship and risk hurting her. Tell her that she is someone that you could really want to build a future with and that she is great but you really dont want to move to quickly and risk ruining what you could have together.
Hope that it all works out for you.
Good luck
Amy
Re:new dating situation - please help tyrogers: [quote"> However, she has this great fear that I will walk away for some reason.[/quote">
I have this same fear. Bubba knows about it. Hell, I think we all have this fear at some point. Especially if something is going really well. I think it is a natural instinct that kicks in. Something that tries to keep us on our toes for any sign that it may end. Don't sweat that. Just reassure her that you are not going anywhere. The fear will subside for a while once she hears that. Right Bubba? ;)
As far as the "cling" goes.........I agree with AmyMarie. You need to talk to her. Maybe over dinner? Don't scare her! Just bring up the fact that you think maybe things are moving too fast and that, this time, YOU have the bit of fear re: the whole situation. You might want to compare it to her fear of you walking away....as she has that fear.....you have yours (that things are moving too fast). Just an idea babe!
(((BIG HUGS)))
BBH - ~Ty~
Re:new dating situation - please help ChristyM: Hey DSXH --
My ex had this same problem with his girlfriend (after we were divorced). She moved things WAY too fast and he didn't know how to tell her so things went from bad to worse. She had moved in with him and then started going through his cell phone and getting really jealous and he was getting madder and madder. He finally had her move out and they started "dating" again and they eventually found their dating stride. For her, she was also very afraid he would leave (well, why the h*ll wouldn't she think that since he cheated and walked out on me, but I digress) ... I agree with Ty that you should tell her but she might have a hard time with it at first. No matter how you couch it, she still might only hear rejection. You'll just have to show her with your actions that you still care about her ... call her when you say you will, maybe send her flowers, etc. Make sure she realizes you don't want to date anyone else. Good luck!
Christy
Re:new dating situation - please help down south xhubbie: update:
I have to have this talk soon. :(
I work 3rd shift.
that's a call while on the way to work
a call when she got up this morning. a call before she got to work
and a request for me to call her when I get off work :o
help !!
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