frozen badperson_failure: i feel like im wasting my life being frozen in my fear and im just getting worse and worse and getting comfortable living with my parents in grumpy teenage fashion per my character
im not working i have no pride i have nothing in my home country except my
people say then it wasnt meant to be blah blah blah but that boy was my ticket to a new life i just wasnt strong enough and we were too isolated to handle it
hes moved on and is fine and on his track to success and happiness
i dont know if we were good together or what but he loved me and he's the only person to ever have cared about me
so i know i screwed up i should have become whoever i needed to become to be happy with him screw all this be yourself, be independent crap
i acted like an arrogant kid
if i had evaluated my life i would have seen he was the only good thing to have happened to me except another friend...he was family and i should have rationalized and seen what i was capable of with people (little) and not have had such expectations
all this bs about how to life fairly to yourself and everyone and pure love and soulmates is crap and sets expectations too high
for me, life is about making the most of the few good caring people who have been attracted to being a part of my life
i so screwed up and im paralyzed with the fear of being on my own and there is absolutely no motivation to do anything about it
Re:frozen netty_girl: It sounds like you are in a pretty rough spot. Dont worry though, you may not beleive it but things will slowly get better. My husband which whom I love to this day, left me five weeks ago to the day. I still miss him very much, and I think I may always love him, but looking back on the relationship, I see that it wasn't that good.
As for you saying that you should have changed for him to be happy, if you had become someone you are not, you wouldnt be happy, and he would have been able to tell. Remember always be yourself. If he was attracked to you, then there will be others that will be too.
Maybe what you need to do is reenter the world by finding a part time job, to slowly get out of the parents house. You sound like staying there is miserable, so start saving money. And, you have a good chance of making new friends at a job, which means you may find someone to be a roommate.
Just keep searching for the positive things in your days, no matter how big or small.
Hugs to you
Netty
Re:frozen AmyMarie1972: Hi NPTML,
You are sounding very low. You have got to start taking control of your life, you are the only one who can do this. It is sad that you have been left with so many negative feelings aimed towards yourself.
You have got to try and get on with life.
He was not your ticket to a new life, you are. You have got to try and get belief back in yourself.
Nobody here can make you start to realise your own self worth and importance only you can and you are worth while and important.
You have got to get yourself up and make a plan on what it is that you want from life just for you not anybody else.
Happiness is out their for the taking you have got to go and get it though. Maybe you could start with getting a job, getting your own place, building a life for yourself.
Maybe you could see a counseller and they would be able to help you to get your life back on track.
Take care of yourself
Amy
