I love you like family... ellein: I've been lurking/reading for about a week and finally decided I needed to post. I can't tell anyone that things are falling apart in case we patch things up, so I feel like I have no support system.
My husband of 6 years told me this last week. As in, I love you but am not in love with you. And, he wants to try separating for a while.
Of course, two days later he says he just felt like that at the moment and figured we would work it out. I'm not sure how that's going to happen since we are barely speaking and live in the same house like strangers.
I am just very confused. Part of me wants to try and save the marriage - mainly so my 10 month old son will have an intact family. But, I get a cold chill when he pulls into the driveway...
We're not happy and not sure how to get back to being happy. Does that mean it's over and we should end it? Should I cut my losses and try to dind happiness elsewhere?
All these questions are swirling around my head (and making me sick to my stomach). Anyway, thanks for reading and if you have advice, I'd love to hear it...
Re:I love you like family... ww9111: [quote author=ellein link=board=1;threadid=10064;start=0#msg80243 date=1113417203">
We're not happy and not sure how to get back to being happy. Does that mean it's over and we should end it? Should I cut my losses and try to dind happiness elsewhere?
[/quote">
If the marriage is still intact, ie no one is cheating or abusive, and he still has some desire to work things out you should be able to at least make a serious try at it.
Being unsure of how to get back to happy is ok, it is a path of discovery. Being unhappy doesn't mean your marriage is over, but it is in trouble and needs help from both of you.
Both of you will need to be willing to work on making it better, it takes work, but if you want it then you can do it.
I would suggest meeting with a counselor, a third, uninvolved, party to whom you can boh get your thoughts and feelings out to. Perhaps even going to the counselor individually at first then together so that you aren't pressured by having your spouse around at first.
Many of the people here have had the "bomb" dropped on them by a cheating spouse or partner and the relationship was destroyed very quickly, myself included. Since you're both still involved in the marriage and you both have some desire to work it out I think you've got a good chance to work it out.
You ask about cutting your losses and finding happiness elsewhere... What drew you to marry this man? You've been happy with him in the past. What is different now? What is the happiness you hope to find elsewhere? Can you find that with your husband?
I encourage you to try to work things out and keep your marriage. It sounds like you're in a tough spot right now, but I think you've got a good chance to make it better if you want.
Re:I love you like family... riversandlakes: ww said it well, ellein. work your best, please.
ILYBINILWY just doesn't make sense ever...
Re:I love you like family... AmyMarie1972: WW is right. The best thing to do is to see a counsellor to try and save the marriage before giving up on it completely.
Everything gets confussed and muddled up when things start to go wrong and you see things in a different light. I have been reading a book that was recommended to me by people on this site called Light His Fire. There is also one called Light Her Fire.
Maybe worth both of you reading these.
Hope things start to get better for you and take care
Amy
