I'm amazed... DeepOcean: at how I can get myself in these predicaments.
First let me introduce myself, I'm 46, yeah I know it says under 35 but I haven't found a board for the over 40 crowd yet. I’ve been separated since Sept. and have a signed separation agreement, which in this state means we live separate and apart. So I can legally date other women.
I didn’t go out or date anyone for 4 months, then at a New Years party I met a women I was extremely attracted to. She has been divorced for seven years has been a big part of the local social scene and knows everyone in town. We have spent the entire last three months together but it’s been a freak’in roller coaster ride when it’s good it’s great but when it’s bad it’s total hell. At first I held back knowing it would never ever work, I even told her that I wished I had waited a year before I met her to get myself straightened out. It’s been a nasty divorce (that went over really well). I’ve argued with this women more in the last three months than I did with my wife in twenty years. The arguments are about silly little things that don’t matter, I’m good at keeping my temper under control ( you learn that in the construction business) so I never really get mad, I just let her rage at me. I kept asking myself what in the hell I’m doing, but the reality is she makes me feel really good, most of the time. I guess I took advantage of the situation.
The final straw was last week, we were almost at my place, it was around 11:30pm my, cell phone rang, I checked the caller ID. It was one of my co-workers that had recently broken up with her bf. I said I can’t answer it and was asked who it was, I replied jokingly that it was Plan B. To give a little background the previous week when she was mad at me she had gone out “with an old friend” her plan b. She became enraged and started screaming at me, jumped out of the car, hid in the woods and called a gf that was an hour away to come get her.
I didn’t see or hear from her for days, she wouldn’t answer her phone and she didn’t go back to her Apt for days. It hurt, it’s tough being alone when you’ve had a constant companion for three months. Finally I get a phone call, she tells me how much she loves and misses me. I do the same (silly me). Then she starts raging at me again. The day goes on like that, the last phone call was probably 3:30am. The next day we meet for lunch, everything seems ok, but when I walk her out to her car she says goodbye, thinks for a moment and says, “there’s something I need to tell you, but I’ll wait til after work”. I knew what she was going to say, she had gone to her “old friends” place for the weekend. I was devastated, a knife through my heart. I had promised myself not to let this happen again, now I had gone and done it (again).
So it’s been phone call after phone call, she loves me one minute the other she’s raging about some past injustice I’ve done to her. I just don’t know what’s going on. I’m tired, I’m totally stressed. I need to not answer the phone and just walk away (the same thing I did with a twenty year marriage)
Guess what? That was her on the phone. Now I’m sweetheart and baby again. She’s having dinner with her mother and wants to get together later tonight. I know I should run like HELL, why don’t I? I should throw this cell phone in the harbor, why don’t I? Do I have sucker or idiot plastered on my forhead????? I know what I need to do, why don’t I do it?
I guess I just miss her or maybe I just miss her memory (the good ones).
Thanks for letting me vent.
Re:I'm amazed... twetifb: Deep Ocean~ I'm sorry if this comes out harsh but it doesn't seem like this is a very healthy relationship for either of you. I think maybe you are both holding on just for the sake of having someone. If I were in your shoes, I would "take a break" from eachother. Try to distance yourselves and get back to who you are. It sounds as if you were working on that between your divorce and this relationship, so why not go back to just you for a while. Maybe the beginning of this relationship was a whirlwind and now that it's everyday life...it's getting more difficult. I'm not even sure if this makes any sense. It's just that I have seen so maybe people in destructive relationships like this and I hate that people who love eachother, treat eachother this way. Good luck!
Re:I'm amazed... DeepOcean: tweety, thanks for taking the time to read that rambling diatribe. You are exactly right. But what I wonder is why I'm still here. I'm way old enough to know better. Am I attracted to the excitement, uncertainty, the competition or challenge?
i don't like analogies but I think this one fits. I raced motorcycles up until a year or so ago and loved the sport. This relationship is like a season of racing. The days you win or do well are great but there are also days when crash or break something that are terrible. Does winning a race make lying in the hospital or hobbling around on crutches worth it? Most people would say not but the handful that race it doesn't bother them in the least. I think that's where I am with this....
Re:I'm amazed... DeepOcean: Looking back at my two previous posts this morning it's obvious I definitely need a break. At least I didn't get any phone calls last or this morning ..... so far anyway..
I think a month in a Tibetan monastery might be in order.
Re:I'm amazed... JimB: [quote author=DeepOcean link=board=6;threadid=10075;start=0#msg80519 date=1113489089">
I think a month in a Tibetan monastery might be in order.
[/quote">
Trust me, it's overrated....
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