I don't understand men. justmenow: Ok, I know I'm stirring the pot with this one so I will brace myself. I would just like some straightforward answers to some honest questions from you men out there - and I know that ALL of you don't do this, but in my experience over the years, I have apparently only ecountered the worst of humanity so bear with me.
1. If you (meaning the "collective YOU") aren't interested in a woman, why don't you just tell her? Do you think we're going to be scarred for life? Why is it "I'll call you" then you don't or "I'll email you" then you don't or "I'll talk to you later" and then you don't? Do you somehow find this to be humane?
2. If a woman continues to contact you because you haven't called, emaied or talked to her in a few weeks, do you consider her a stalker? If so, WHY?
3. What is the first thing about a woman that would turn you off completey or scare you away?
4. Do you prefer blondes, brunettes or redheads?
5. If you found out a that the person you are seeing had cheated on someone in the past, would you trust them with a future relationship with you?
Well, that's all I can come up with for now. I just have come up with so many questions from the whole dating scene - observing people with one another - the pickup lines, the excitement, the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat, and these questions have been building. I'm really interested to see you guys' take on these. Thanks!
Re:I don't understand men. EfemII: hmmmm.... I'll bite.
1. I'm in the minority on that one. If I'm not interested in someone I am very straight forward. I will not lead them on, and will not promise to call/email them if I don't intend to. There are plenty of women that do it also, and it's pretty uncool.
2. It depends on the dialogue. If this stems from #1 then it just depends on what was said in the previous conversation. Stalking isn't cool, and the one who is stalking should know the difference.
3. It depends. If there's interest on one side and not the other, then it's equally uncomfortable. It should be determined if there's interest or just friendship possibilities.
4. All the above.
5. Well honesty was the first thing that started my breakdown. If he/she tells you from the start that they cheated, then there may be hope. It also could be a warning to get out while you can. Personally, I would run.
take care,
Dave
Re:I don't understand men. Bob-Bob: Hey JMN,
;D I Think EfemII was right in his first response... actually all of these questions can go both ways.
But I will try to answer them as honestly as I can as they apply to myself...
1.) If I say I'll call I will, barring manipulation (***see my answer to number 3***) and even then I'd be hard pressed not to.
2.) I think if I had expressed a disinterest in the person and they continued to email and call I might have to explain myself a little better but I wouldn't consider a person a stalker until they started following me around... but I also agree with EFEMII's comments on this as well.
3.) Manipulation - Manipulation on any level would cause me to totally back away. I also think that if someone is manipulative then they should expect this.
4.)Yes...
5.) everyones situation is different... I would have to hear their situation and then decide (A.)what caused them to cheat. (B.)how they grew from it.(C.) what made them feel as if they could not be honest and open with their partner.
Hey I'd like to pose these questions back to you....and maybe get a woman's perspective on those as well.
Thanks,
Bob
Re:I don't understand men. grober: I'm game, here it goes.
1) When I say I'll call/email I do. I try to make myself clear if I'm interested in friendship or something more. It isn't always easy (some people take it very personally), but it is necessary. I guess some people (goes for men and women) either don't want to hurt your feelings or don't want to be a jerk.
2) While I've never been stalked, I think that if someone isn't clear about their intentions, it can lead to a weird situation. If you're interested and have been given the wrong signals, of course you're going to pursue an attractive person. So the person not being clear is at fault. I've seen it go the other way though. When it is clearly stated (many times) that a person isn't interested and they're still pursued, it is pretty uncool.
3) Insecurity (jelously) is the biggest red flag in the world for me. A close second is a lack of integrity.
4) Like the other guys, no real preference. I'm not really hung up on hair color. Looking at my past realtionships, I do seem end up with blondes (though some of them were brunettes when we met).
5) Cheating: Hmmm... Did I say the insecurity was the biggest red flag? I may have spoken too soon. I guess I wouldn't just shut it all down as soon as she told me, but I would need to know what was the cause. If it was an "affair" or a "moment of weakness" kinda thing. You know, find out what she learned from it (besides not to get caught). Been cheated on before, so it wouldn't be something I'd take lightly.
Now you know all the secrets of what guys are thinking. See? All you had to do was ask. I'm with Bob, let's see some answers from the woman's perspective.
Re:I don't understand men. dominowin: Okay, I'm a woman who will take a stab at this!
1) I don't take *that* much offense if a guy says he'll e-mail or call and doesn't. I think guys are very simple that way -- if they want to call they will within a week, if they don't they won't, end of story, no need to analyze it that much. And vice versa...I think guys can tell if a woman is interested or not, if they're honest with themselves about it and not concocting a fantasy in their own heads (of course, I do that all the time, trying to stop).
2) I don't consider contacting someone I find attractive stalking...unless it does go past the point of me knowing they're not interested -- which I can't imagine doing under those circumstances, though I might obsess about it in my own head for endless hours until the thoughts blessedly go away (or another cute guy comes along).
3) I can't stand self-absorbed or arrogant guys. Also, insecurity and immaturity are huge red flags.
4) I've swooned over blonde beach bums to carrot tops to swarthy dark-haired guys...
5) I'm not sure how I'd feel about the cheating thing, to be honest...at this point in my life it might pop up as a big red flag, to say the least. On the other hand, in my own relationship I almost wish I *had* cheated, it might have gotten me out earlier. So I'm not 100% sure how I feel.
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