Re:Do I Have the Right? finney5: I agree with Dave/EfemII. If you fail to spell out what changes need to be made or what have been made and you guys do get back together, chances are you'll be stuck in the same situation you were in before which means eventually you will be back in the same situation you're in now.
Re:Do I Have the Right? hurtingverymuch: Hey all, thanks so much for the responses, they've really helped me out here.
I am going to approach him in the next couple of days or so to see where I stand and also to try and set some guidelines as far as dating etc. are concerned, especially since the last indication I had from him was that he wanted to see if we could possibly work it out. If he's not in agreement then I guess I have my answer.
I just can't stay bottled up here in Limboland any more. It's driving me crazy. I need a direction and path to take and whatever his reply is, good or bad, at least I will have a path to start on.
Thanks again for all the replies and help and I'll keep you posted as to what transpires.
Hugs
Hurt
Re:Do I Have the Right? hurtingverymuch: Well, we had the talk and instead of getting a one way ticket out of Limboland, I bought myself a round trip ticket right back in. ::)
He told me that the issues that he had resolved were only "him" related in terms of him getting comfortable with his new living quarters, his lifestyle (being by himself), etc. and were not "us" related at all.
He says he is still planning to go to individual counselling once his health insurance kicks in next month, which will cover a portion of the therapist's charges. He also said that the two main hurdles he needs to get over to be with me again is to forgive himself and to deal with the huge amount of guilt he is still carrying over what he did.
The only step forward we did make is that we did agree on some parameters about dating and he agreed not to date until he had stuff figured out. I had made the decision quite some time ago that I would not date until the divorce became final. I mentioned this to him when we talked and he thought that my decision was kind of odd. He said that it was because I would probably feel like I was cheating on him. I guess that may be part of it, but the decision I made is something I feel strongly on.
So, here I sit still in limboland. The one thing I have resolved to do is to keep doing things for myself and trying new things, like tonight I'm going to karate class for the first time with my son. This should be alot of fun and I will get to meet some new people and hopefully make some new friends.
Thanks for listening and if anyone has any suggestions please let me know. :-\
Hugs
Hurt
Re:Do I Have the Right? Old_Shoes: I spent a long time in the land of limbo. To say the least it's no fun. I was saying to somebody the other day that I wish I could go back and tell myself that it was over and help myself move on. Once it gets bad enough for someone to leave there is rarely a successful reconciliation. :P
Sadly I wouldn't have listened to anyone. I think it is a necessary part of the grieving process. At some point you will get sick of the rollercoaster and then it's time to get off. Only you can decide when that happens.
You sound like you are doing pretty well. Keep on doing it for yourself. I hope things work out for the best for you.
