I'm in trouble!!! Minnie4987: I really need some advise on this one---
I went out on my first date since splitting with my stbx 3 months ago. I was set up by my girlfriend, and doubled with her and her husband. She has been telling me about this guy for weeks! I show up, and he KNOWS me. He is a friend of my stbx!!!! He said that he was attracted to me when he first saw me with my stbx.
He is GORGEOUS!!!! He is sooooo tempting, and he wanted to continue the date even though he knew me (and my stbx, and my son). He did tell me though that he is uncomfortable that he knows my stbx and he is uncomfortable that I have a son. But, my girlfriend and her husband wanted to leave, and he asked me if he could stay with me, and have me drive him home later! Of course I said yes, again he is GORGEOUS and so sweet, and so tempting!!! We spent the whole night together talking and laughing and I was so comfortable with him. We didnt go to sleep until 5 am.
He said he wants to see me again, but he doesnt think he wants a relationship with me. I have been thinking about him non stop all day yesterday and today. I am DYING to see him again, but I really think I am going to get hurt AGAIN!!!!
What should I do? I hate to spend more time with him, and possibly start having feelings for him, if he is not going to want a relationship eventually. I understand him being hesitant, I am too, given the situation. I really dont know what to do...
Re:I'm in trouble!!! justmenow: Well, the only thing that concerns me here is that comment that he's uncomfortable about you having a son. That is a red flag to me - you date me, you accept my children as well. If you are uncomfortable with my kids, you are uncomfortable with me. Period. I would watch that.
He could be Brad Pitt and it wouldn't matter an ounce. Is he actually FRIENDS with your stbX or just an acquaintance? That would make a difference too. Just don't rush into anything. You have been burned so bad, Minnie, and I worry about you running into the arms of someone else to repair the damage your X did. It's so tempting, but try to hold off if you can.
Re:I'm in trouble!!! atd74: Minnie,
Although I don't have any children of my own I was totally offended by what this guy said to you about you having a son. The first thing that crossed my mind was to not waste your time on him then. As JMN stated, if he can't accept your child then how can you accept him?
Secondly, if you do continue this "tryst" I will call it then you need to go into it with your eyes and mind wide open. He's already told you that he doesn't want a relationship and he's not interested in being with you and your son on "that" level. You will end up getting hurt if you go into this thinking there will turn out to be some pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
I have to give this guy credit though for being upfront and honest. I just don't think it would be a good idea to pursue him for your emotional sake. There are plenty of good looking, honest, open, genuine and sincere guys out there for you who will accept both you and your son.
Re:I'm in trouble!!! barelybreathing: If he is uncomfortable that you have a son...RUN, run away as fast as you can.
BB
Re:I'm in trouble!!! Minnie4987: DAMN!!!! I really wanted to hear that its ok for me to continue with that little slice of heaven...
JMN, he is only an acquaintance, he bowls on the same league as my stbx. (that is how he recongnized me and knows max, occasionally me and max would go and watch my stbx on his bowling leagues.)
That bothers him too, that he knows my stbx.
I went out with him on saturday (and stayed thru sunday!!!) and left feeling really good on sunday, but he got my number from our friend that set us up, and he didnt call yesterday. Honestly, that is a red flag too, I have spent a long time caring about someone who did not care for me, and I will NEVER do that again.
It hurt my feelings to be honest, that he didnt call, but the hurt is extrememly minor compared to the hurt I could feel if this continues and he tells me he cant deal with me having max and knowing my stbx in a year from now...
I guess I will take it for what it was, I had a really good time, and he was very sweet to me. If nothing else, it opened my eyes that I dont have to be treated the way my stbx treated me, and there are young, single, extremely good looking guys out there, now I only need to find one that will accept both me and Maximus.
