Miserable ostia: OK, so tomorrow my husband is moving in with his new girlfriend. I've known this was going to happen for a while, but now that I'm faced with the reality it is hitting me like the proverbial ton of bricks.
He's been very evasive about this whole thing...says he just needs time away from me to figure things out, and that he's not sure things will work out with the OW...he said he's basicaly moving in with her because he's too broke to get his own place, he can't stay with his brother anymore, and he can't deal with me right now. Lame, huh!
What a bunch of crap!! The absurdity is that there is STILL a little part of me that hopes he'll come to his senses...he's been behaving very strangely in a lot of ways lately and is clearly having some kind of mental breakdown, but nevertheless there IS a limit to what I can put up with. Why am I STILL in limboland, despite all the glaring signs that my H is a complete selfish a**hole? Because I keep hoping he'll turn back into the person I loved, the person I had such good times with for the past 12 years....
ARGGGH!
Re:Miserable Bob-Bob:
Sounds to me like he wants to keep you holding on til he decides what he is going to do, or whether it is going to work out with the OW....
Limboland seems to be a popular spot... and he bought you first class tickets to get there... it really is up to you though to decide what to do with them though!! Go hang out in limboland and see how low you can go... or move on...
but, one thing is for sure... Limboland rollercoasters are worse and more scary than any others....
Bob
Re:Miserable inebr: Ostia,
Limboland *is* horrible, ..but while you're there, I believe it's good to do lots of good things for yourself, focus on you, maybe find a couselor if you haven't already, it sure has been key in helping me get clear on a lot of things. I guess the upside of limbo is that it is the chance for you to really see "how low you can go" like Bob said. (hm...I never realized the connection with the limbo dance). Anyhow, by trying everything in your power to hang in there will give you peace of mind no matter how things work out.
Also, maybe think about the scenario if he did come back and changed back into the man you fell in love with. What kinds of things or actions would you need from him in order to feel he's sincere at rebuilding trust? My stbx came back and in him mind I believe he was truly wanting it to work, professing his love for me and his need for our relationship, we were even looking at houses to buy ...but only about 5 days later he left again. Said he just couldn't give me what I wanted. It was back to the same thing only 5 days later. Nothing had really changed inside of him. Ugh.
Anyhow, sorry this is all happening but look for the ways you can get better yourself during this time. Take good care of you.
Re:Miserable JASPER: I think it is totally up to you whether you want to hang in limboland or not personally I would'nt recommend it.
I could see if he was showing any possiable signs that he wanted the marriage but by him moving in with OW I really dont see that.
I think Bob is right sounds like he wants you to be his safety net just in case it doesn't work with this OW and that is not fair to you. I know it's hard and hurts like he** but you need to move on from him live your life let him live his if it doesn't work out with the OW and you still want him back then fine.Dont sell yourself short by putting your life on hold waiting on him to decide.
Re:Miserable ostia: Well, the thing is that he's been saying all along that he just needs some time apart to evaluate, and he's STILL saying that, even though the OW is now in the picture.
I think I'm moving on...I'm looking into finding a new apartment (I'm still living in the one we used to share, and it is too laden with memories as well as being too expensive for one person), I'm trying to go and connect with my friends more, and I've even gone a couple of dates (via an internet service). But the problem is that I'm afraid that my hope that he may still come around is holding me back emotionally. If I could just face the fact that it's over, forever, I think it would be more painful in the short term, but I'd get over it sooner.
I guess the problem is that this has all happened so fast...my first inkling that there was something wrong was when I got the "speech" in early June. So I think my head is still spinning, expecially since he's been so ambivalent about the whole thing from day one.
Ugh.
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