Re:Miserable justmenow: Sorry Bud, but your 30 day "evaluation period" just EXPIRED when the OW entered the picture. Buh-bye.
Re:Miserable atd74: Ostia,
I totally agree with everyone on this post including what JMN said. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Shouldn't happen - so don't let it. You are in control whether you like it or not. NO - you can't control his actions but you can control what you do can't you? You know this is b.s. and you know in your heart what the answer is.
Don't let him have the best of both worlds. If he's having a mental breakdown then that's his problem - but it sure doesn't seem that he's that mentally incapacited does it? He made a very distinct choice when choosing to live with the OW. He knows what he's doing.
Re:Miserable ostia: Yeah, you guys are right. I'm just having trouble getting it through my thick skull that my marriage really is over. When I'm honest with myself, I realize that I don't even like the person he's been turning into for the last couple of years, so I really shouldn't be resisting this so much. The problem is that we were so happy for years, and I still think that we could have been very happy forever, if all of the problems (his lack of ambition/financial responsibility, his drinking, his obsession with the internet) hadn't come up and started interfering so drastically with our relationship.
It's just so hard to let go and accept that such a huge, important phase of your life is over...also, it accept that the person you trusted most in the world has betrayed you. Not fun.
Re:Miserable justmenow: I know how you feel. It is very hard to accept, but it is the truth. The man you divorce is rarely the man you married. I was exactly where you are at (last year). Now that the divorce is done and I have escaped from Limboland intact, I look at my X with complete apathy. I feel nothing towards him at all, not regret or longing or disdain or bitterness - just nothing at all. Sometimes that scares me too, but we all have to move forward, right?
This next few months/years will be hard, but will get better every day once you regain your life and a new reality.
Re:Miserable grober: ostia,
When my X and I split, she moved out to live with a friend. She wanted to "live on her own for a while" and get her head together. I found out later she really moved in with the OM. It wasn't like she was sleeping on the couch. That was when I started thinking of a life without her.
Your STBX may not be dishonest about where he is going, but if he is seriously trying to figure things out, he would stay someplace "neutral". IMO it sounds like he wants to keep you as a back up while he gives his new "relationship" a try. You deserve better than that.
I know it is hard. But it does get easier and time passes.
Good luck.
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