Re:Help me! Jernigan: Oh boy, I can go on and on about this one. You know, I'll go out on a limb and embarass myself here: the primary reason my wife left, according to her, was that I looked at nude pictures of Drea Matteo on the internet. We were reconciling at the time and we still lived apart and saw one another fairly often and even had sex on occasion. So why run the risk of looking at some pictures that I stumbled upon, accidently, when doing some research on a television pilot I was working on? Well, it was stupid and base curiosity; nothing more or nothing less. Men and women will always look, whether in a perfume ad, a music video, a movie or something pornographic. The irony to end all ironies was that my wife was a model, and I'd never seen anyone more beautiful in real life or fiction than her---honestly. Would I do something like that again? No, since it upset her so much, evidently. On the other hand, how fragile can one's self-esteem get? How would I have reacted had I come across some pictures in her room? Honestly, I would have laughed. Truly. Because I have a different attitude about it than she does. But now that I know her attitude, I would have adjusted mine accordingly. Problem with dirty pictures? Okay, then no more dirty pictures.
No matter how many women approach me, no matter how many compliments I receive, I suffer from low self-esteem at times. There is ALWAYS someone better looking than you, always, whether on television or at a club or a bar. What do you have that these people don't have? Well, you have yourself---your personality, and that can go a long way.
Point is, both women and men turn their heads on occasion. Let's not forget, we're human animals. Everytime a man or woman turns their head to admire, however, that doesn't mean he or she wants to elope. Why not admire with him or her? That seems like a feasible approach!
Re:Help me! JimB: [quote author=finney5 link=board=6;threadid=1032;start=0#msg6543 date=1064291634">
When asked, he said I was "too much work"
[/quote">
The important thing to remember here is that this statement has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Just because you were married to a guy who got lazy doesn't mean all guys are lazy, and just because your ex fell in love with a fantasy doesn't mean every guy will.
People who have their sh*t together understand the difference between fantasy and reality. They understand that reality takes more work, but the reward is also greater. If they don't understand these things, you don't need 'em.
I think the way to stop being jealous is to block out the outside distractions. There are two people involved in a relationship: him and you. There's nothing wrong with you. If he's not paying enough attention to you, bring it up. If he blows you off, move on. Not every relationship is like a marriage - if he's got problems and won't address them, you aren't obligated to stay with him.
Re:Help me! finney5: Honestly, when I was first with my stbx, I wouldn't have minded if he looked at stuff every now and then. But when he would rather enjoy that than me..
The date didn't do anything (like ogle the tv screen or anything) unusual. It's just my own paranoia. I know it's irrational, I just can't stop it. I thought I was going to come out of this thing unscathed.. I'm finding out otherwise.
I agree that it's okay to look, just not okay to LOOK. You know, the whole head swiveling drooling thing is not cool.
Thanks for the advise everyone. I see that I'm going to have to do some daily affirmations or something--
I'm good enough
I'm smart enough
and doggonnit people like me!
