13 years ago today... twobeautifulkids: I picked him up from the airport. He'd just gotten out of Air Force Tech School. We were married 2 days later. It wasn't a perfect marriage by any stretch of the imagination, but we weathered a lot. I was in it forever. Obviously, as of 2 weeks ago at any rate, he wasn't. It's over. He moved out. He doesn't even want to attempt to reconcile, therefore he doesn't want to go to counseling. He says he doesn't love me as a husband should love a wife. I've seen him numerous times since (we have two beautiful kiddos together...ages 7 and 4) and he's not changing his mind. I've decided it's not worth trying to get back together if he's not willing to even try. I'm going to get on with my life as best as I can. It's hard. I'm not going to say I'm over him, because I'm not. I just know that I can't do anything about this. I was a WONDERFUL wife. I did everything for him. I wanted to. I don't think I'd change that if I could. I've decided to go back to college (I have my degree in Business Admin, but haven't ever really used it). I'm going to get my Education degree. He's taken away a bunch of dreams of mine by leaving me, but I want to keep one dream...and that's to not put my kids in daycare. I want to be home with them when they are home. It's very important to me. It's something we agreed upon long before we had kids. He says he'll stay separated from me (he claims he's in no hurry to get divorced) while I'm in school and until I get a job with benefits. I'm diabetic, so private insurance would be extremely expensive.
I would have stayed with him forever. I took my vows very seriously. I was only 21 at the time. I knew from that time that I loved him more than he loved me. I guess I figured that we'd gone through sooooo much together in the past 13 years that he wanted the same thing....forever.
Our 13th wedding anniversary is Monday. I told him not to even bother stopping by that day. It would be too hard on me.
We're attempting to be friendly about all this. I am trying. I end up in tears almost every time that I talk to him or see him. I try not to, but it just happens. I still can't believe he would throw away a 13 year marriage.
Anyway, I've lurked on here about a week and thought I should go ahead and post about me. I am 34, have two great kids, live in Maryland and am scared of starting over again.
Re:13 years ago today... riversandlakes: I'm sorry, tbk ;(( You'll fail in trying to understand the WHYs of him walking out; it's better to leave the stone unturned and move on.
You leave traces of lots of love for the "kiddos" in this post. You arer already using that to your advantage. I'm sorry he didn't love the kiddos and the family as much as you do.
BA is perhaps hindsight in 20/20?
friendship hurts too much at this point, so for your own sake keep it minimal, as fellow ojarians did? The walker, doesn't feel as pained - not even close - hence, they think they deserve the friendship ;((
Don't think about starting over at this point. It's all murky and scary. One step at a time. billions of stars out there; even more galaxies. One small step at a time for us is all we can do at this point...
My prayers go with you. You are a strong mother and wife.
Re:13 years ago today... twobeautifulkids: Thanks, RandL!
My kids mean the world to me.
Maybe one day I'll even be able to thank my husband for doing this, but right now everything is pretty scary.
Thank you for responding! I do appreciate it!
Re:13 years ago today... mle: OMG... two... that sounds so similar to my story... rocky marriage from the start, then just, no i don't love you like i should... (June will be our 4 yr anniv....), 2 kids (4 & 2), and live in CT
I am crying right now to see someone else going through the real same thing... no other woman, just gave up....
Please, please feel free to PM me if you want to talk. I will also give you my IM if you do.
Re:13 years ago today... twobeautifulkids: I was going to PM you, but it came up with the name mle instead of So Confused, and I'm not sure why!
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