Wish in one hand...... Dunno: Today is I guess "one of those days", I miss him, and can't quit thinking about our previous lives. The tears are still coming to the surface, was 9 weeks yesterday, over 2 months. Our anniversary is in 16 days, is all I can think about. Have been counting down the days and why? He does NOT care, about nothing nor no one but his "new" life. Replacing all the old things, wife, home, children, grandchildren, finances, responsibilities, ect, it's all new to him. So easily replaced, strange. I wish I had it in my power to take away the hurts, the memories, to just say I am going to carry on, but as they say wish in one hand? I keep telling myself he will awaken and realize this is all wrong, who am I kidding? He and my sister-in-law are evidentally very happy, he, with no concerns at all. All our friends have been seeing them together and such, it's killing me. I haven't a clue as to why I am writing this, my posts seem endless, never changing. One day I awaken telling myself "I can do this" the next, I crumble. I am trying, really hard, but still can't get over it. This lonliness is slowly torturing me, having to look at my children, telling them everything is alright, is crazy, and it's getting harder. Therapy is going slow, or perhaps it's me thinking this? They keep saying what I am feeling is normal, yet, how normal can it be to still love a man whom has shown me in every way I am of no use to him? The man I have loved almost all of my life? I gotta stop here, thanks all for listening.
Re:Wish in one hand...... jt5639: I sure hope it's normal. I'm at 9 weeks tomorrow, and I spent many hours yesterday crying. My eyes hurt so much this morning. I am so sorry you are hurting. But take comfort that you are not alone? It helps me to see your post and know that I am not. I know my ex is feeling good about all of this. Yesterday was so hard because I am so tired of feeling this way. Embarrased that we have the same friends and they will see him happy and me a wreck. Confused that something can feel so right for him, and feel so wrong for me. And just so hurt and betrayed by my best friend. My best friend who now, during my hardest time, I no longer have.
It's grief. And it sucks. And it's part of life. My brother says that this kind of loss is the most human experience we go through. We will get through this. I'm not looking forward to 6/9/12? whatever more months of this. But however long it takes, we need to take that long. It's our journey, and god I wish there were short-cuts, but there aren't. I hope I've helped a bit. Treat yourself today. Take care.
JT
Re:Wish in one hand...... Dunno: Thanks alot for your input. It's true, the hurt seems non stop, I keep teling myself it will get better, thanks to you and people like you I know one day it will. Just there are times, so many times when I find all i do is cry and think. Your words got me as I too think like you do, friends seeing me, people's conclusions ect. Everyone knows practically I am a wreck and he is doing so well. Makes me angry, I need this I guess. I can bet you have another "best" friend out there? After all, doesn't seem like this one was too best, eh? At times like this we could use a friend, be careful. Even today, went to my therapist' who do I run into? His younger sister, she is marrying, wants us both there *sigh* The thought of seeing him and her, just too soon I think. Anyways, good luck to all us. :)
Re:Wish in one hand...... gumby55555: Good luck to you, too, Dunno... I'm feeling something very similar to what you wrote about but just can't seem to express it as you did. Your post might have seemed rambling to you but not so to others in a similar situation... to me, especially, it was almost cathartic to read your words and helped me tremendously. These bad days suck like nothing else but they do come much fewer and far between as time marches on... just keep hanging in there... All the best!
Re:Wish in one hand...... jillieb44: Grief for what you've lost -- your former life, your hopes and dreams.
That is one of the things I mourned a long time ago: my dream for a loving husband and happy family -- when I realized the stbx didn't really love me anymore, and was a passive-aggressive control freak...
Sometimes I think we miss the 'what might have been' instead of what really was.
Hang in there.
Jillie
