not really a vent...more like rambles netty_girl: well, the tbx is acting odd again, like usual. I dont think I can ever have a day where he is not bothering me in some way. He is driving me nuts, and I dont know what to do.
And, to make it almost worse, it is not his usual being a Jack A$$ either. It is the complete opposite! Ahh, I just dont get it. A couple of days ago he was asking if he could be 'Friends' with me, meaning that he wanted those extra perks. Now he is telling me that he really does love me, and misses me, and wants to DATE me- AFTER the divorce!
I think he is just having fun Fu*&#ng with my head! I dont know what I should do anymore. He knows that I still have feelings for him, and I try not to let it show, but it is so so hard!
And who the hell wants a divorce, and before the first court date tells the other that they want to be divorced because they cant live with you, but wants to seriously date??!! ??? I just dont get it!
Oh, and then he tells me-right after telling me HOW much he misses me- that he wants almost all the furnishings in the house, and was wondering when I would start packing!!!!!
Oh, and to keep his mind jumping and getting me more and more fustrated and confused, he tells me that maybe we could BOTH still live in the house AFTER the divorce, and be roommates! OK he tells me that he cant stand to be close to me, cant stand to be in the same BUILDING as me, BUT LETS BE ROOMIES!!!???!!! ok, maybe he is just waiting for me to check myself into the sycho ward of the hospital! But I am really thinking that he may be bi-poler or something cuz this is getting crazy!
Oh, then he wants to take myself and my daughter out to dinner tomarrow night, and I just don't know what to do. But then again, he also told me that he might have been here at my home when I got done at work at 10pm tonight but wasn't here...But I dont put it past him to still show up sometime tonight!
I just think he really needs to figure his own emotions out and stop f'ing with mine! I have enough things to deal with right now with him, I don't need to keep watching for him to get me to say something that he will hang over my head.. I mean, I just think he has an alturnitive motive for being 'nice' to me. I know sex is part of it, but I think there is something else. Maybe he thinks he is making a mistake, maybe he forgot why he is divorcing me, i dont know. But I want to be left alone, and i cant handle all the crazy mood swings.
and he had the nerve to ask me when I would be stopping the fueding going on between us...Like it was me who decided to divorce, Me who hasn't seen our daughter only 5 times in 6 1/2 weeks, Me who is being told they are going to have to fight in court over anything I want, including the child!!!!!
I am so confused and fustrated!
Netty
Re:not really a vent...more like rambles elisioleftalone: Wow Netty, I'm very sorry he's acting so eratic. I wish I could give advice, but that's just nutty. :o
Re:not really a vent...more like rambles DarrenB: Good God, Here we go again huh? This guy just doesn't stop:
The selfishness here on his part is truly pathetic. It's seems like it's always " I want this, I want that,,we should do this, let's try that.".etc... It doesn't sound like he ever takes into account your feelings, your frame of mind or what should be best for you and the baby. Nope. It's all about him and what he wants.
He want's to get back together? He still loves you and wants to be friends? The way he is behaving and how everything is all about him isa frightening "Red Flag" and is a typical example of how actions speak louder than words. He is digging his own grave and isn't even smart enough to realize it.
The childish behavior when he doesn't get his way is also pretty pathetic, and you would think an adult with a child of their own would be beyond such an infantile point in their life. Come on! Breaking your things?? Cheap shots and guilt trips?? So what happens when you don't go out to dinner with him, and tell him that you won't date him after the divorce? Is he going to respect your wishes and feelings and what you feel is best for you, or is he going to throw a temper tantrum because he is not getting his way and try making you feel bad about it? Again, another reason why you don't need this guy and should run for the hills.
As mentioned a million times, this is just like the situation I was in with my ex-which is probably why I get so worked up about these type of destructive, screwing-with-your- head mind games. It is all about control NettyG. He wants to control you and who you are as a person as he did throughout your marriage. As my ex did, he has some selfish and twisted need to be in charge, to run the show and to call all the shots. Now that you have gotten wise and are trying to become your own person by leaving him, he can't handle the rejection and he certainly can't handle not having the upper hand over you anymore. So then what does he do? Upsets you, messes with your mind and painstakingly annoys you to help himself regain some of that control.
As hard as it is, deal with him as best as you possibly can and realize that he is acting the way he is because HE has emotional and mental problems that have nothing to do with you. You just see....If he does not get any type of counseling to resolve these problems of his, 10 years down the road he is going to be the same way with his others in his life as he is with you right now.
Can you try and avoid him? Maybe leave the house when you know he is going to be home? Have you spoken to the attorney about this? If it gets to a point where it begins to get worse, if he tries to attack you or force you into sex or breaks more of your things then you may want to think about getting a restraining order. It may provide you with some peace of mind until all of this gets resolved.
Ok. My rant is over. This kind of stuff just really bugs me.
Re:not really a vent...more like rambles teacherwriterguy: You can try the 'broken record' approach too - I'm not sure if it'd go over well, but it might be worth a try.
Meet every response, mood swing, whatever with essentially the same response - and you can craft that response however you want.
"Let's be friends with benefits.." -him
"Let's get the divorce done and leave everything else till after that."
"Let's date after the divorce.." -him
"Let's get the divorce done and leave everything else till after that."
"I miss you!" -him
"Sorry to hear that. Let's get the divorce done and leave everything else till after that."
And so on and so forth - of course you don't have to say it like a robot, and you can vary it by situation, but sometimes the only way to respond to someone whose own emotions are so erratic is to take a really constant stance and just stick with it.
Obviously, I totally agree with Mancrush that if he tries something truly dangerous you need a restraining order or something more intrusive.
But he's really trying to bait you and pull you into arguments right now - put up the cold front and take care of yourself.
And vent and scream to us - we'll listen :)
twg
Re:not really a vent...more like rambles netty_girl: thank you both so much. I just keep thinking about it and it is bugging me. I am not getting emotional about it though, thank god all of that seems to over--for right now at least. But it is just that I am constantly thinking "what is it that he plans to get out of it" with every action he does.
I think even if he seriously wanted to have our relationship back, I wouldn't be able to do it. I don't think I want to live with him anymore. Granted there is a huge part of me that misses him, but he has used and abused me too many times, too long.
I think that I will always question his motives, and will always wounder if he plans on keeping his word. During our relationship he lied to me so many times about things like not smoking-which I had told him it was fine if he didnt quit but I wanted the truth.His money spending was also a constant struggle. I would constantly notice money missing from both the checking and the savings account, and we would look me straight in the eye and say crap like "I have no idea where it went, it wasn't me", but the same day I would notice that he had a couple new cds or we would start talking about the concert tickets that he bought!
I just can't seem to get it through his head now to stop this crap either. Like the morning of the zoo trip, I can tell him over and over not too, but he will keep coming into the house and into the bedroom as he pleases.
(which by the way, I cant lock my bedroom door because of my daughter.)
Well, thank you both again, for tuning into the "my life is crazy" thread. lol
Netty
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