Re:not really a vent...more like rambles netty_girl: ok, more rambling on.
So, yesterday he convinces me to go with him and our daughter to dinner, actually he told her that they were going to dinner, then told her they werent cuz I wasn't going. Well, she started crying and I felt bad cuz he was doing this to her, so we went to dinner.
But before dinner he wanted to go shopping...didnt know this until at the mall! Instantly he is asking me what do I want! I told him, I would like to go to dinner cuz both myself and the 4 year old are starving! Well, he kept offering to buy me whatever I wanted...when I asked why he replyed 'because he loves me and wants to be nice to me.' great, so now he does want to be married!! I have had it with this I love you, I hate you, I miss you, I wish you were dead attitude and mood swings! Well, after he kept bugging me of what I wanted him to buy me I picked out the most expensive mp3 player and told him to buy it for me-didn't get it.
Then, he kept trying to hold my hand! ok, so he doesnt want anything to do with me for the longest time, now he thinks we are fine!! I had had enough, I straight out asked him why he was doing this, why he now wants to be a couple again- his responses:
1) I (tbx) dont want to live with my mother
2)I don't want to loose the house, or get stuck with the bills.-oh, so he finally realized that just because he decided to divorce me doesn't mean he gets to walk away from all debt.
3)We always had good sex
These were his responses! never once mentioned love, or our relationship in anyway, and didn't even mention our daughter, not like she would be a reason really anyway.
I dont know what to do. I told him I was mad about his list, and got very pee'd off about it. I doesn't think there is anything wrong with it. I asked him if love or our relationship had anything to do with it, and he was like "yeah, i guess. You know I have some love for you."
WTF? And my thing is, how long do I get this guy until the other b@$t@rd comes back.
Oh, the best thing was that he told me he would let me know HIS desision friday. So he thinks it is only him, then what the hell is up with friday? and I asked him that too. Oh, well, that is the day that works best for him.WHAT? i dont know....oh, then he told me that if HE chooses to have our relationship again, that I cant expect him to be spending time with me this coming weekend because he has plans to hang out with his 18 year old friends!
Well, that got me going too! So he tells me that he MIGHT want a relationship with me, and he will let me know, but even if he does he doesn't have time for me, and his little friends are still going to be more important!?!
Things to be on his side about:
he has never been good at showing his feelings, and when he looks at me, I can see that he misses me, but I dont know if it is love.
he is trying???
I dont know what to do. I myself miss him, and 6 weeks ago I did want him back, but now I dont know. I just keep thinking that there is something else he is after. I dont know if it is because some of his friends haven't been hanging around him so much lately or what.
oh-he also told me if I got rid of my cats he would deffinately be back...what the he ll is that!?! They have nothing to do with this!
Very fustrated, lost, and confused
Netty
Re:not really a vent...more like rambles teacherwriterguy: He is so all over the place - you know that - that it's making it hard for you take any kind of a constant position with him. It keeps provoking you to lose your cool too :( which is hard on you and everyone.
Somebody here is going to have to put the breaks on and make some clear decisions - and it sure doesn't sound like it's going to be him.
I think you did really the right thing to stop him and ask him direct questions. I'd encourage more of that, but pre-plan it so you know what you really need to know, and what you really need to ask.
You are right in that his reasons for wanting to go back to being married are really lame reasons - who wants to be married because it pays the bills, the sex is good, and because you don't want to live with your parents. Those aren't reasons.
You need to get through his shell of "me me me" to hear some honest answers from him and then remember that YOU have choices here - he doesn't get to decide if he stays or goes.
I would take time when he's not around and think long and hard about exactly what you NEED to know from him and what you'd require if you were going to stay married to him. That way, you walk into Friday and his "decision" already knowing how you stand, so he can't push you off balance so much.
He's calling all the shots right now - and he's being a goof about it and not thinking clearly to boot. Take some of the power back. What's your "bottom line" with him?
Sorry he's putting you through all of this :(
twg
