How could this of happened - Knight: its been almost 3 months since my everything decided that I was not hers. I for the first time in my life had someone who I depended on, who knew all there was to know about me, who I allowed to become a part of me. I thought Love was able to solve all things, that if you loved someone that all would be ok. What a crock... I loved my girl more than life itself, she was all that I ever needed, all I ever wanted, my only friend, my inspiration, my hopes and dreams. Then one day she asked me to leave - my heart was not only broken but so was my spirit - my whole world collapsed and I dont know if I will ever get it back. She no longer speaks or call me, wont even shake my hand - yet she wont say she doesnt love me. She became my family and then she took it all away. All my life I have been alone, and that never bothered me until I met her - I have never had any friends, allways the one who sat in the corner, the once who you never heard from. But when I met her, my heart flew - then she stomped it into the ground. Im not blaming her, in fact i understand why she wanted out, there was no cheating or anything sinister - it was just that I was not sociable enough, and she couldnt understand my phobias about meeting new people. I still love her, I think I allways will - but I cant let her go from my mind, all I want is to feel her in my arms again, to touch her hand, to smell her hair.
Love is a crock - all it brings is pain, anguish and distroys the soul of those who gave thier all. I love you my everything, I allways will - and Im sorry that I didnt hold you close enough that you were able to fly away. Not a moment passes when I dont hope to see your car, or get that call, or to see the ring I gave you back on your finger. I miss you more than life itself. I guess that I am just not a nice person, everyone in my life just leaves me in the end... even you, my one, darling friend.
Re:How could this of happened - buyrbware: Knight,
This is not an easything you are going through, never has been and never will be. Things will get better, I know that sounds like a line and well its used alot on here. It is true however, the thing you have to understand in order to deal with your pain and loss is this:
1. You cant control other people, their thoughts or actions. So many times we try and think we are in control, but honestly this is not possiable so except and move on.
2. Looking at the situation at hand, its not your fault it comes down to this. if the other person truely loved you she would not put you through this hurt, you never hurt the ones you love. Therefore no matter what you think she is playing a game with you, and truely doesnot love you. This brings you back to controlling her, you cant! This also brings you to blame and Its not your fault!
Knight these are to solutions that helped me deal with a 17 year loss. I woke up everyday for 17 years feeling I had control and the perfect life. Litterally one morning i woke up and it was over in 2.5 hours and there was no turning back. It's been almost two years and although she is remarried and i am content with what i am doing, Occasionally i still think back about how, and why!
You'll do fine and this will pass, use your resources. Use this board and all the great friends you are about to meet!
Tom
Re:How could this of happened - Knight: Thanks Tom.. Ive been doing Ok up until right now, I miss her so damm much and love her so deeply - I know all the theroy but my heart breaks every day, and its not getting easier. How I wish she would call me and say that we will be ok, Im not sure if I will get through this anymore, she is only 30 minutes away yet a lifetime as well. Why is it that someone that i consider to be so special, so lovely, my everything can crush me so deeply, how is it that love failed me - my love, the only thing of worth that I had to offer someone, and so completey did. Im so scared of life without her.
Re:How could this of happened - AmyMarie1972: Hi Knight,
First thing that I can suggest is you seeing a councellor. You say that the only thing of worth that you have to give is love, but this is not true. Everybody has more to give. You have problems with meeting people and are very down on yourself.
You say that you are not a nice person yet would never hurt anyone.
I know that what you are going through with the loss of your partner is so very difficult because I think everyone on this site has had to cope with this, but you have other things that need to be addressed to.
You have got to start to like yourself more than you do. I am getting the feeling from the way that you write that you if not completely but almost hate who you are.
My ex had a problem like this. He is now seeing a counsellor which I hope is helping him.
You have got to tell yourself that you are a great person and that you should not blame yourself for things that you did or didn't do for you partner to leave because it isn't you.
It wasn't my fault that mine left me it was his and you must believe that it wasn't your fault it was hers. There was no greater gift that you could have given to her than your heart. So you did nothing wrong.
Take care of yourself
Amy
Re:How could this of happened - Knight: Thanks Amy.. I dont hate myself, I just hate what has happened to me and my life, I guess your right though - this wasnt my fault - but it sure feels like it was. Im just a bit down on life at the moment, I'll be right soon enuf. But you guys help - so thanks.
