After separation, wife sleeps with someone else praxedis: Married 8 years. Two boys (3 and 5).
I had an affair on my wife. I'm wrought with guilt over it (just had to add that in there). Soonafter, I moved out and began to explore the relationship with the lover.
My wife and I have been bargaining off and on since I've been out of the house. We go on dates and everything seems okay since there is little accountability. She goes home then I go home.
We went out on a "date" recently and a couple of days later, the lover visited me (she lives in a different state).
My wife finds out and files for divorce. A couple of days after, my wife leaves town to visit a friend.
Just Monday, I signed the temporary orders for the divorce. Wednesday, I find out that my wife slept with someone else while she was on her trip. I was crushed for a number of obvious reasons.
Yesterday, I suddenly decide that I need to go back home. I drive to her work and tell her that I want to come home if she'll have me under some conditions: I will attend Al-Anon (my father was an alcoholic), she attends anger management courses (she has been brutal throughout this process), I sever ties with the lover, we seek therapy together and we do not talk about either affair unless it's in therapy.
I was back home last night presumably for good. I haven't felt right since.
I'm confused. I grieve over the loss of the lover with whom I developed a close relationship. I feel as though I don't know my wife anymore. We look at each other now and it's obvious we don't trust each other.
The loss of the lover is a big deal for me, but I know that I would soon be over it. It's the pain and devastation that my wife endured that I'm not sure she'll ever get over.
I don't want to hold her back, but at the same time I don't want to let her go. I guess what I'm asking is: Is there a sign that I should be looking for that tells me that we'll never be able to reconcile?
We've both already admitted that things will never be the same.
When can you tell that a marriage is over? Is it ever over?
Re:After separation, wife sleeps with someone else JASPER: IMO I think you both need time apart from each other in order for you to decide what it is you want and your W to see if she can forgive you.C learly you have feelings for this OW or you wouldn't be grieving over not being able to be with her.
It sounds to me as if your holding on because your afraid of letting go of your wife not because you want the marriage to work. So she sleeps with someone else proably out of anger you find out and want her back?Why because your scared of someone else having her?Thats totally unfair to her when you still have feelings for this OW.
Re:After separation, wife sleeps with someone else justmenow: I'm not really sure I can help you out on this one. As being on the receiving end of my husband cheating on ME, I have little sympathy in the whole mess. If this OW means so much to you, why are you putting your wife through this? Go back to the mistress and let your wife get on with her life.
Re:After separation, wife sleeps with someone else Brian75034: The marriage is over when one of the two gives up trying.
Hang in there!
Re:After separation, wife sleeps with someone else ml1077: If your wife is that important to you, why are you still maintaining contact with your OW? I went through this with my husband when he had an affair- you can't have your cake and eat it too. You are in two seperate worlds- one with your wife and one with the lover and you need to think about what world you want- you can't have both.
I have agree with a previous comment that you need to seperate for now...with you both being on your own (and not with the OW) you will have the chance to sort out your feelings and your wife will have time to think too. That way, you won't rush back in and try to "fix" things if you aren't sure you want to fix them yet......
It's hard to tell when a marriage is over, but if you have time to think, you may know.
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