Nothing but Anger kimura321: I'm so pissed I can barely write. I got of a month of leave away from my stbx, and when I got back it seemed that she had got things together in her life and that she wanted me as a father to her son, not just a cheap babysitter. Before I left in March she cried about being to broke to buy food or gas so I gave her 300 dollars.
When I saw her again to pick up the boy so she could go out with her friends on Friday night, she showed off her new clothes, a 60 dollar painting, and her new belly button peircing.
Now she calls me today asking for money, crying about how broke she is and how she doesn't have food or gas, wanting more money.
She was all sweet until she realized I was broke until payday(alright, not truly broke, I invest my money, and have a decent savings account) but as far as spending cash- I was nil.
I asked her how the partial custody paperwork was coming along- she claims she can't file it until she files for the divorce, and she can't file for divorce because it costs too much money.
alright-what about the new clothes/art/and everything else? hoe much of my money I gave you before went to the boy? She lives in government housing, so pays no rent or bills, and she makes the same money I do. My bills are in excess of 2000 a month and I still mangae to save a chunck of my paycheck and have some left over.
The daycare is a fixed expense-no surprises-88 dollars a week. The bill should be no surprise.
She got angry when I said I was broke. When she moved out of our house and into government quarters at no expense- I was stuck with finding a new apartment and coming up with over 6000 dollars out of the blue because she didn't give me any warning. I didn't complain or cry. I gave her all the furniture and everything else and started from scratch- nothing but the shirt on my back. My car broke down and I had to buy a new one. I still managed making the same money(actually less, she gets extra money a month for being a single mom.)
I'm at my wits end- I don't even know if the money is going to help her son out- since she won't do the paperwork I have no rights to him at all. And on top of being so broke she can't eat- she wants me to watch him so she can go out this weekend on top of my normal days.
I want to do the right thing by him- but she makes it so hard. I'm so at a loss what to do.
Re:Nothing but Anger AmyMarie1972: Tell her that if she can afford all of these new things and she can afford to go out then she is doing better than you and can obviously survive without any extra money. She is going to keep on doing the begging and pleading poverty line all the time that you are paying out. Tell her that if she needs money she can sell the painting and everything else that she has wasted the money on.
If you want to help out then you pay the bills on her behalf but dont give the money to her. You get in some groceries for her, you buy your child new clothes.
She can not be trusted with the money so do not give her anymore.
Hope this helps
Amy
Re:Nothing but Anger kimura321: I'm sorry if I sound like i'm preoccupied with money. I love that boy- I dated her when she was 6 months pregnant and helped deliver him.
I spend my days off with him- I don't go out, don't date. I do work, college, work, sleep and take care of him. I want to be part of his life forever, I set aside money in a fund so when he turns 18 he can go to college. I really am trying, and I hate feeling like a deadbeat- but I have no rights to him. I give up my spare income to bail her out month after month, give up sleep to watch him while she goes out. I feel like a loser sap- but its worth it to be with him.
I just want a guarantee that she can't take him away from me at some whim- just like she gave up the marriage. I'm tired of building myself up, and having her make me feel like the bad guy because I spend any amount of time looking out for me and not her.
She quit on me, she ran out on me, looking to recapture the lost joy of being a young single hottie in an island full of men.
I keep thinking things will get better and she will let me just be his dad- not her safety net. I don't trust her anymore and I don't even like her anymore.
what is sad is that she will eventually push me so hard that to save myself and be free of her- I'll lose him. She's threatened me with taking him away from me before, and I know she'll do it again.
I feel like a dog who only knows one trick.
But one day she'll learn that there is a difference between kindness and weakness. I am not a ruthless person- but she's turning into a good teacher on how to be.
I just wonder if she'll give a cr-p.
Re:Nothing but Anger jillieb44: Sounds like she's using both you and her son as pawns in her game. She uses the boy to get money from you (to obviously blow on frivolous things) and threatens to take the boy if you don't comply.
Sucks for you AND the child, to have his mom threatening to take away the only father figure he knows.
But ya know what? You can't change her at all. Since the boy is NOT yours biologically, then you don't have any legal rights, which also sucks.
You are to be commended for doing the right thing; that the stbx won't let you is NOT your fault. But she's using you big time, and you know it, and you feel like crap for it.
My advice? Call her bluff. Continue to save for the boy as you are, be available on occasion for babysitting (know that's not what you want ideally but it will keep you in his life) and just not play her games anymore. Maybe she'll realize someday (when she grows up cuz she's most immature at the moment) what she's throwing away.
But don't throw away YOUR life and YOUR self-esteem for someone who only cares for your $$.
Jillie
