Is love mean being walked on?? ISITOBVIOUS: Well here is the deal. I have never done this before but have viewed many of everyones comments on topics for the last couple of weeks. I need advice from real people, because consuling is not giving me the needed answers. I have fallen deeply in love with a gal who has been divorced once before. She had an affair and left her husband. The jerk she had an affair with is now her ex boyfriend. She was with him for 2 years and 1 was great the last one was horrible. She left him 6 times that year, but kept letting him back. He was emotionally abusing to her and she now defends him to me basing that most of the problems were based on him drinking. And also that all of her friends and family hated him because he miss treated her. Well the last time she left the were apart for 5 months and then we met. We have been together about 6 months and about 2 months ago got Engaged. Things are so great when we are together. But he found out and started calling her after we got engaged. Oh did I mention they didn't talk when we firs met because she put a restraining order against him. So here is the deal now. We are together but are putting engagement on hold. She is not the best communicator but I am great at it, so every night we talk and I know everything she is thinking. She wants confirmation that he is still a jerk before spending her life with me. For some reason she feels like giving him another chance. I have since the beginning, never put he down. I am a very postive mental attitude person, so I spend all day night, building her up. I open car doors all the time, i do just about everything for her, because she makes me happy. She tells me she loves me with all her heart, and just has questions on why she still has feelings for him.So she and I see a consuler together and each seperatly. What things have come to know is that she has asked my permission to go on one date with him. She sayds she is hoping that it will give her the confirmation he is a jerk still and she can move on and be happy. Everyone she talks to tells her how crazy she is to even consider taking a chance at losing me. I know I could leave her and she would forget him and come crawling back, she admits that I treat her so great and she could never live without me in her life. But I don't want her to crawl back cause she misses me. I want her there cause she wants to be. Am I crazy for letting her go on this date? The obvious answer is to leave, but I love her some much I can't do that yet! The obvious answer for her is to be with me but she can't do that, so I am open to anything. We talk for hours and want it to work, but for all of you who have moved on, is it just time, or is it that she has not made the descision to move on yet? WOuld losing me for a while make her realize? Then do I take her Back? The only thing I know is I want her happiness, and I know I can make her happy, But I am selfish, cause I want to be with her. I just wish life was easy. ALl advice helps. Hope I did this right!! Thanks
Is It Obvious
Re:Is love mean being walked on?? Knight: My friend - it is obvious to me, if she loved you as you love her - which is a great deal from what I can see: then she wouldnt even look twice, It sounds to me that you are talking her into being with you - do you really want that?
shouldnt she want to be with you just for who you are.
Please dont make this mistake my freind, let her go on the date - and when she does, give her her luggage as well. There are better, more loving people out there for the likes of you and me!
Re:Is love mean being walked on?? ISITOBVIOUS: Knight
Honestly I don't know if I want to talk her into, but I agree, and when I do talk her into loving me it is so wonderful. Just being together makes me happy. There aren't the fights, the name callings the anything. Plus if I truely walk away, will she come crawling just to have me talk her into it again. Isn't courtship basically convincing someone to love you? Or am I so confused that I don't even know that anymore? If she goes on the date and comes back and tells me She is mine forever, do I take her or leave her.
I like the let her take her luggage though. Cause now if nothing else she knows how wonderful she is and how great she should be treated and that jerk off will never be able to give that to her. I just don't want her to suffer through him. Cause alot of the time emotional abuse leads to physical. And now matter what she does to/with me, she doesn't deserve that. Man confusion and relationships suck!!
Re:Is love mean being walked on?? Knight: My friend, I understand your confusion - Im there too, but courtship isnt about convincing someone to love you - talking them into it: the partner must chose to. Now Im no expert - if Iwas I would need to be here would I, but my thoughts are something like this.
There is no love greater than love, and love means giving someone whatever it is that will make then happy, not you - your reward comes out of seeing them happy with what you have given them. If she choses to be with another, then so beit. I tried to talk my partner into being with me, I achieved it twice ! - and it was wonderful - for me. If it was so wonderful for her, she would never of even thought about leaving me, so I guess it wasnt. there has to come a point when your needs come before hers. Let her make her mistake and know within your heart that you gave her your all, that you loved her with all you had and that you were the best that you could be: sometimes I guess it is just that your best is not what she is after. I still hold the view that if she loved you like you love her - then none of this would have happened to you - or me. Im sorry my friend, take a deep breath and dont allow her to use you anymore, your to fine a person, to valuable to your own ideals for such people to drag you down. If she is unsure now, then no amount of talking will convince her - it has to be in her heart, you have to be in hers: I miss my everything more than anything in this world, to this day I would die to have her in my life: But she just doesnt want me bad enough, if at all. I hope you find peace in knowing that u did your best, that you are worth more than all this, and yes - relationships suck, but I guess when they are right, there is nothing better.
love is a two edged sword at times, and you like me - just got run thru. You cannot allow someone to use you like this - have pride in yourself, someone is out there that will give to you all that you need, Im sorry this girl for whatever reason choses not to be the one. I get your pain and your desperation and need for her, I really do, and Im sorry that you feel the same pain that I do - no one should have to go through all this.
My original advice still stands - if she goes on the date - then it screams she does not love you as one should, to have eyes for another is not love - that is having the cake and eating it to, its using you because she knows you are so available, your safe for her if things dont work with the date - change the rules... it has to be just one of you, I mean come on, she used to date him right - she allready knows what he is like !!!!
Re:Is love mean being walked on?? ISITOBVIOUS: Knight
Thanks for the advice, and knowing that I am not the only one who has been crapped on in life is helping some. Last night we had consuling and the consuler said almost the same thing as you. We got home and talked in detail for quite some time. I finally stopped letting her push me around. I decided that I was not here to be walked on(but am willing to be, just didn't tell her that=0)) So I told her that making no decision is actually making a decision. If she wants to be with him than I wish her the best. I told her I would give her a few days to decide who it is that she thinks is the one for her and to contact me when she felt she was ready to talk. I left by 8 pm last night. Between 1030 last night and 11 am this morning she has called 6 times, and begged on my messages for me to answer. I want to so badly, but I can't give in quite yet. I realized from what you said earlier, this is the rest of my life, I deserve to be happy to.
Know what is weird, she sees him everyday at work, and the number one reason she keeps going back to is that she has physical attraction to him. Duh!!! I told her last night that if Jessica Simpson worked in my office she'd be in a hell of a lot of trouble=0). Probably not the best to say but it made me feel better. I just have to remain strong, I am a strong Christian, and I have brought her to Christianity. One way or another, I am beginning to accept the fact that it is in God's hands and he knows what is best for me as he does for you. I see the strength you have now after a few months of your ordeal and I hope I can be there. Sounds crazy but I miss her. I have to leave my office when the phone rings in order to not answer. I have to screen all my calls. I just know when it rings, I am praying it is here. Be strong. I just keep saying to myself, that I can and will do this, and am justify that I am also doing it for us(that is what she uses, why shouldn't I) Thanks again
any other advice. Is it fair to put a time restraint on love??
