How do I even begin to work through this? wpgilbe: I am 33, live in North Georgia, and have been married for almost 8 years. I have two small children (3 and 5). Three weeks ago, my wife told me that she "needed some space" and was taking the children to her parent's house in another state. She told me that she felt chiseled away, had lost her identity (she has been a stay-at-home mom), and felt as though I had been controlling her all of these years. We never fought - I am an assertive type person and she is very easygoing. My "control" was just my assertiveness with no countering resistance. Nevertheless, I asked for counseling and she agreed - to one session. She blamed me for my control and the counselor said that it could be fixed if we both wanted it. I told her that I was absolutely committed to making it work, and she said that she was not. One week later (two weeks from her needing space), she told me that she wanted a divorce. That was almost two weeks ago. We both have attys, and I am so worried about the children. In addition, I cannot fathom how 8 years of love can be turned to the point of hatred so quickly, and how someone with whom I have shared so much would want so badly to see me hurt. I have since found that she has been in constant communication with a former boyfriend since three days BEFORE she told me that she needed space. She does not know that I know this. I have no idea how this will play out, and I need help in the form of a support group. Has anyone else experienced anything like this, and if so, how do you begin to accept that this is for the best? I feel so incredibly alone and devastated.
Re:How do I even begin to work through this? Knight: my story is a little different "how could this of happend" - and I wish I could help you, but the truth is I cant. Just know that out here - you have one freind that understands your pain and is sorry that you are experiencing this incredably tough deal... my heart goes out to you - because Im there too.
Re:How do I even begin to work through this? jujubee: wow when i read your story it was really comforting in a way. i am going through a similiar situation but on the opposite side that you are. my husband and i have been married for 4 1/2 years but living together for 9 1/2. i had been feeling really unhappy in my marriage for about 3 years and just recently told my husband of my feelings this past month. not to say i've never mentioned it he just didn't hear me. we too are in counseling and although i don't feel it will save our marriage it has helped us to communicate better and to learn from past mistakes. the reason i say your story is comforting is because i have been feeling like the worst person in the world for feeling the way that i do. i can't speak for your wife but i know that for me even though i'm the one who has brought it to our attention that this isn't working out for me i too am hurting but at the same time i'm angry for him not being able to see how unhappy i have been all these years. my husband truly wants us to do everything we can to fix our marriage but in my heart i feel it's unrepairable. it's hard to see someone hurting so much. she does still love you just not in the way you want her too. you have two beautiful children that you created together and for that she is truly grateful i'm sure. the only thing to do now is give her the space she wants maybe talk to her about just a trial separation. but if she truly wants it to end there isn't anything you can do except try to move on and heal yourself. and try to be as civil as possible for the children. i'm sure this hasn't helped you any but it was nice to be able to get my feelings out to others.
Re:How do I even begin to work through this? wpgilbe: She told me a couple of nights ago that she led me on for three weeks so that she could get her ducks in a row legally before she told me. Again, I had no warning. We were even talking about a third child just 2 months ago. Can someone have that much pent up disdain? I just don't understand how it can go from good to bad so quickly.
I have been to a counselor since, but just feel like I am telling my story to a stranger. I feel like it takes someone who knows us both to help me make sense of this.
Re:How do I even begin to work through this? bab9799: I feel your pain. My husband of almost 10 years left me 2 weeks ago. He said he hasn't been happy for almost a year. He tells me all the time that I am a wonderful wife and mother and that he loves me, but he just can't be married any more. I still am in shock by this.
For 2 weeks I have been playing things over in my mind, trying to pinpoint what want wrong and I have finally have come to the conclusion that I never will find that answer.
I asked him to go to couneling and he said no because it is not me it is him. I know I did my best to make the marriage work and it is his loss, not mine.
I love him with all my heart (13 years ago today we met). I pray that he finds his way home (he said that he is never coming back) but I have to go own for myself and for our two little girls.
Hang in there. Each day does get a little bit better. I hope it is not that far to see your children. I know they have helped both me and my husband with our pain.
I hope for the best for you! Take care!
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