Re:Hurt AGAIN Safetykc: Sorry you are hurting JMN. I'm just a newbie here, but the support you provide for everyone has been so amazing. I am not sure I agree with Jasper on playing the game the way men play it. I am a man and I remember getting just as hurt when someone flaked out on me when I thought things were going well so I try not to play that game. Just hang in there and be try to be glad you found out early about any issues rather than after a long time into it. I know that doesn't make it suck less. Sorry. I wish I had better advice to say. Hang in there and be true to yourself and confident you have a lot to offer. The right person who, who is not a flake, will recognize that and respond appropriately. ;) Take care...
Re:Hurt AGAIN JimB: It's hard enough riding the emotional divorce roller coaster. Then we start dating, and it's like trying to straddle two roller coasters at once....
Funny thing about relationships - there's always someone else involved. And let's face it - other people are messed up.
Question, JMN: what are you looking for? As things progress, I'm convinced that dating is not about finding someone to spend the rest of your life with - it's about dipping a toe in the pool. People my age who have never been married fascinate me, because of the emotional detachment they have from the dating process. Whereas I have never had much interest in dating someone unless they kind of tugged at my heartstrings.
I guess my point (at last!) is there's probably a happy medium between jumping off the high dive and not wanting to get our feet wet. Everyone needs to find that point for themselves, and it's a process. This guy got under your skin pretty quickly, and turned out to be not up to your standards. So the next guy will have to work a little harder to get under your skin. It's a good thing.
One other important point: it's not wrong to feel hurt, and it's not wrong to be mad at him for screwing up. What would be wrong is if you allowed the hurt he's caused you to make you jaded. Everybody is different, and people hurt other people. He's not a bad person, and neither are you.
Sometimes the best solution is to say "he's a freak" and move on.
Re:Hurt AGAIN justmenow: Thanks Jim, as always, you make a lot of sense. You're right and I do have to figure out what it is I want. However, I'm not sure if I'm capable of becoming jaded yet - I almost wish I was because it might keep me safer.
Tired, you made a good point about being used to being in a committed relationship and expecting a like response. That kind of hit me (in a good way).
Safety, thanks for your kind words. As much as I try to help, it doesn't mean I'm not messed up myself. You guys are really great. Thanks for helping me climb out of yet another very DEEP pothole in the road of life. :-)
Re:Hurt AGAIN TiredandScared: You've been there for me with kind and thoughtfull words, I feel it's the absolute least I can do! Have a great weekend! and good luck
Re:Hurt AGAIN ostia: [quote author=JimB link=board=1;threadid=1056;start=0#msg6765 date=1064605726">
People my age who have never been married fascinate me, because of the emotional detachment they have from the dating process. Whereas I have never had much interest in dating someone unless they kind of tugged at my heartstrings.
[/quote">
I know just what you mean. I'd actually be worried that anyone in their 30s who'd never been married or lived with someone would be too used to being single. I think that when I start looking for a new relationship I'd want to be with someone who has had serious relationships in the past, just so I could be more confident that they know how to adjust to having someone around.
I also agree with you about the tugging on the heartstrings thing...I've basically never "dated" before in my life...just fell in love with a couple of people. I don't think I"m going to be able to break that pattern, and I don't think I want to. But I do despair of ever falling in love again--I hope I get over that.
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