I just wanted to share this... snowyheart: So, I know that my sister should come on here, but she’s said she’s not ready to. I wanted to share a little about what’s going on with her and get some input.
I have 3 sisters, they are all amazing, wonderful women. The one I am concerned about is my sister G. She’s been married for just over 7 years, she had an affair 13 months ago, the affair lasted for 4 months. She said she had the affair because she is still searching for her soul mate, someone who really loved her for her.
The guy she is married to has isolated her from her family, he doesn’t consent to her visiting us with her 2 kids. He is a cold fish. He has the greatest girl as his wife, and he doesn’t appreciate the wonderful person that she is. He Never Has! This has been going on for 7 years. This guy hasn’t given my sis the love she needs and he’s trapped her. She lives in Florida. She’s at the end of her rope with the guy.
Ideally I would love to see him desire to change, to open his heart and to love my sis the way she needs to be loved. I know some of you hear at ojar might be surprised to hear me talking like this…to hear me, sunnyheart, saying I want my sister out of this marriage that has trapped her heart, life and soul for 7 years. But I’m tired of watching my sis, waste away with this jerk.
Every time I talk to her and I hear her voice I just want to go rescue her. I want her to be happy and run free and be free. I can’t stand it! I can stand to watch my sister go through this year after year.
She says she doesn’t know what to do…she wants it to work….but, will it ever? She wants to have her husband love her and allow her to be her…but will he ever? She’s screaming for a way out, she’s screaming for change, for freedom. Will she ever get it in this marriage?
I would really appreciate some input or advice from my fellow ojarians. Thanks for reading.
sunnyheart
Re:I just wanted to share this... howdidwegethere: Vacation! Send them on a vacation. She married him, which means they loved each other at one time, maybe they lost the spark?
If he is "trash", and contributes nothing to her life or his kids life and leaches, then the marriage maybe is not worth saving?
Re:I just wanted to share this... snowyheart: I should add...she got knocked up...they got married. He immediately moved them both to Florida.
Re:I just wanted to share this... sheydp: I have to say, I am VERY surprised to see this post from you... but glad you are able to so empathize with your sister's plight. This is a very difficult one.
I have to say, if she has really tried for so long, and is that miserable, he isn't going to change, and neither is their marriage, as long as she stays and things stay the same. If she makes plans to leave, even just to seperate, maybe he will realize what he is losing and be willing to make that extra effort. If even that doesn't work - she should be free - and to be fair - so should he. They aren't helping each other - she is miserable, he is cheated on. They both need to be free to find happiness with someone who matches with them better.
Give her love, give her support, show her there is happiness in being without a partner, that it is hard but liveable - that happiness and sunshine can return to her heart when she is free. You are a good brother.
Shey
Re:I just wanted to share this... Sad Eyes: Hey Sunnyheart~
Is this the sister you keep telling me about??? If so then ((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS!!!)))))))))))))))))))))))) to her! Unfortunately, you described my exact situation in your thread. BUT I have finally had enough but it took alot of years! She needs to make up her own mind and she needs to decide when enough is enough. I know you don't want to hear that or it may be painful to hear that BUT it's the truth. If this is the same sister you told me about then our situations are amazingly similiar. You sound like my family and I come from a big family and everyone of them feels the same way you do. It's hard because we never want to hurt our families like this (staying in a marriage that isn't good for us)BUT we hope deep down in our hearts that our husbands can change and will see us for who we are. All I can say if you are probably right as far as she goes and it would be in her best interest to leave him and find her own happiness. Everybody deserves to be seen, heard and loved and when you're not it really plays a number on you. That is why she had the affair. I never did but there were times when honestly...it was very tempting and that is why I need to leave now before I get to the point of where it would be to late if I did meet someone I really enjoyed. That wouldn't be fair to my stbx or me and I can guarentee your sister isn't proud of what she did....she is just a victim in this twisted marriage and she needs to make a choice and this is a perfect example of why. :-\
Just be there for her and let her know how you feel. That is all you can do and don't get frustrated with her for trying to do the right thing. My family did that and it just made a very painful situation even more painful. She needs to do this on her own but let her know you care and support her.
She hasn't hit "Her point of know return" yet....she will in time. Just be there for her when she does. She will need her brother then. :)
I am wishing her all the best!!! :)
SE
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