Re:Can I ever go back? (for the adulterers on the board) brynne: Well I just got confirmation this a.m. that my spouse is having an affair. So with that said, do I TRUST him ?? HELL NO, he's a lying, decietful SNAKE who is going to lose his house, his marriage & his 2 cats. And that's what he deserves. Would I take him back if he comes crying to me...probably NOT. He dug his hole & now he can lie in it.
I am extremely bitter b/c I literally just found all this out hours ago. Once you violate trust in a marriage, the cards are stacked against you to ever reconcile & get back to a stable environment. I don't know what it would take for me to ever trust him again. I haven't trusted him in a several months.
good luck to you
Hope28
Re:Can I ever go back? (for the adulterers on the board) JimB: [quote author=barelybreathing link=board=1;threadid=1057;start=0#msg6869 date=1064770889">
Sorry. There has to be an explaination. How can one be accountable without an explaination. All the books I have read on affairs and infidelity talk about putting the affair out there in the open. If the injured spouse needs to have an explaination than that is that. Explaination isn't making excuses. It is trying to understand and heal. [/quote">
We are just going to have to agree to disagree, BB.
He must explain it to himself, so he can hold himself accountable. You must explain it to yourself, so you can move on. But any attempts he would make to explain it to you are going to sound like excuses, because no amount of explaining can patch the fabric of trust which has been rent asunder. Only actions can do that.
The examples you provide make sense rationally. But you must admit it would be very difficult to accept any explanation of an affair that pins any responsibility on you, the spouse, or even the relationship. Especially when you can no longer trust that person.
I lost the trust in my marriage (initially) for a different reason - I no longer knew who I was, and so neither did she. Even so, I gave her the best explanations I had, and begged on my knees for another chance. She couldn't do it, because she felt the trust was gone. Everyone is different, and I'm not saying that in your case it couldn't have worked if he had done EVERYTHING EXACTLY right. But that hardly ever happens.
[quote">
I want answers.
[/quote">
As do we all. But there are none. So make your own.
