Re:Can I ever go back? (for the adulterers on the board) JASPER: I dont think anyone was implying you didn't have feelings I think the question is what made you do it in the first place. The thing is if you dont know what made you do it how can you prevent it from happeing again.
I'm sure your wife is confused and she obviously loves you or she wouldn't have kept seeing you after the seperation.But not even she can tell you at this point if she will be able to forgive you it's just to soon for her to know.She may want it to work ,but only time will tell how much damage you have caused.
It's up to you whether the marriage is worth all the pain that you have to endure to move foward from this.IMO I dont see how you can move foward when you clearly have unresolved feelings for this OW.
Re:Can I ever go back? (for the adulterers on the board) justmenow: Besides, this whole thing is between you and her ONLY. She needs to understand and respect that. It doesn't involve her family and friends, however, if she doesn't feel she can come to you with her concerns and get support, then of course she will run to them.
I have a complex network of friends and family that have helped my survive this ordeal. My X has nobody. He hasn't even TOLD his parents that we are divorced - and it was final in JULY!!
The hard part at this point will be:
1. BOTH of you working on this equally. You both obviously have serious issues that need to be laid out and dealt with (hopefully through counseling).
2. PRIVACY - she needs to work on this with YOU and nobody else.
3. TRUST - You've got a lot of 'splaining to do to her. I can tell you that my X would have to jump through more hoops than he ever thought possible to earn back my trust, and even then it wouldn't come back 100%. I would always wonder... Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me...
I won't even comment on the rest because honestly I couldn't give you an unbiased opinion of the affair thing. Sorry about that, but the wound is still so fresh and I don't want to alienate you. Thank you for being so canded. It took a lot of courage to post what you did here. There are a lot of people who have been burned pretty bad by affairs here.
I sincerely wish you luck.
Re:Can I ever go back? (for the adulterers on the board) praxedis: One of the things I realized without the "help" of the affair and separation was that I am one jacked up individual. I know that. I'm in therapy for that and I've made some progress with that.
One of the awesome things I've learned in therapy is that I don't owe anyone an explanation... except myself. I'm the one who has to look myself in the mirror every morning. I'm with myself 24/7 even when I don't want to be.
Occasionally I'll escape myself with a drunken binge, but then I have to wake up in the morning to a very angry and humiliated me so I work out at the gym instead.
This is only my 4th post on this board and already I feel relatively better. I woke up depressed as all hell.
Re:Can I ever go back? (for the adulterers on the board) TiredandScared: If you truely want to get back with her you have a real long road ahead of you you have to prove to her that you deserve her trust! Consueling with and without her, it will be a long slow process to make yourself a better person for you her and your relationship. If you can't buy into that well then I think you need to look at what you are really after.
Re:Can I ever go back? (for the adulterers on the board) Brian75034: Prax,
First off, Id commend you to stepping up to the plate and posting on here on what has happened and knowing that most of the people on here have been on the other end of the affair issues.
Second, its great to see you are in therapy. Stick with it. It did wonders for me after my divorce.
Third, like everyone else said, do you WANT to still be married? Forget about her friends, forget about her family, what do you two want?
If BOTH of you want to try to work it out, Great!
But, come to know that you crossed a line in marriage. Trust was lost. You might never get it back. But, its a hurdle you two have to decide that you want to work on. Because it WILL be tough, very.
BUT, if you can get through it, your marriage will be stronger and better than before and probably better than most marriages out there.
Good luck and hang in there!
B
Click More for the next page.
