Sad ostia: Today I feel overwhemed by the basic fact that someone I truly believed would love me forever simply doesn't love me anymore. He says he does, but actions speak louder than words, and the fact is that he's been withdrawing from me more and more for almost a year now.
I still don't quite understand why it happened. We did have some conflicts in our realtionship, but I don't see why he just cut himself off from me rather than trying to work things out.
I'm just so sad and so disappointed. All my dreams for the future are shattered, and I feel so alone.
I don't know why this is hitting me so hard today...iwe've been separated since June. I guess the greiving process just goes in waves. :'(
Re:Sad justmenow: It does go in waves, so just hang in there. Trust me, I'm just on the gradual upswing from a pretty bad low last night.
He probably does love you in some form, just not the same way as he used to. It's hard to make a new future. Don't start too big. Just make plans for tomorrow, then next week, then maybe next month. Don't go too far out because the single life throws a lot of curveballs. Plan your next move in generalities now vs. specifics. Personally, I've recently graduated to monthly planning!! My X still has the nerve to ask me if I still want to move to Denver. He said he will move to if I still want to go. I know his intentions are good, but it still hurts like h#ll.
Let yourself be sad and work through it - get it out. You will feel a little better afterward. Hang out on OJAR until you feel better. We'll be here for you!! :D
Re:Sad Kathy: Ostia,
I know what is going through your mind, the way things used to be, the what could have beens. the memories, the hope, the feelings going on in you. I am there in a sence, but moving on helps. I am moving on mentally without him, and you should try it, it is hard I KNOW. He was more of an emotional being to me than a real husband. You said yourself, in another post, what a jerk he has been for the last year, and he isn't who he used to be.
Try to thing of being happy again, hard? Not in time, but now maybe. I hope this has helped even a little, thinking of you.
Good Luck
Re:Sad Safetykc: I hear your pain Ostia. I too keep questioning why why why. How does someone tell you they love you and would never leave and then leave. But focusing on little things each day has helped. Taking it day by day, or even hour by hour or minute by minute. Even through the sadness I have found laughter helps. Practice smiling at things like trees and people and cars, even through the pain and sometimes, not every time, you feel a little less sad. The hardest thing to do, but the strongest, is to laugh at yourself. I have found in my deepest misery to just laugh at myself and remember I am still alive and kicking and it will get better with time. Our lives on this crazy world is far from over, hopefully ;), and we all will live again and love again. Hope this helps a little. When I am really down I try to think of my grandmother saying, "This too shall pass." She was a wise woman. Take care...
Re:Sad atd74: Ostia,
I have found through this whole process that trying to figure the other person out is completely impossible and will only drive you insane. I used to question why my ex did the things he did if he "loved" me. I used to rehash every incident until my family's ears were bleeding. I would go over and over things until I would make myself cry because I was even more lost than before I tried to make sense of it all.
And then one day I just said, F IT. F HIM. He's not worth it - I wasted wasted years of my life on this person and he's not going to get anymore out of me and that's it. I made the choice and the mental decision to just quit rehashing because it was pointless and I would never get the answers so why waste any more of my energy on it?
You have better things to do with your time and more important things to do with your life then waste it on trying to figure out what makes a jacka** a jacka**.
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