I want to go back in my cave.... barelybreathing: After almost a year and on the encouragement of many others around me....I ventured out and accepted a "strictly" social dinner outing with a much older succesful man.
He took me to a five star restaurant, spent way too much money (I added up as the night went on close to $500.00) and was very kind and attentive.
I kept telling myself, this is just dinner. I was completely up front with where I am at in my long separation/divorce.
But it was not right. I am not ready. It was strange. Uncomfortable. I miss my X. My head is still so clouded.
On the way home, I called my X. Crying. I said, "I went out this evening for the first time. It made me miss you. I miss us. I don't want dinner at a five star restaurant. I want to rent a movie with you and eat microwave popcorn and hot tamales, while our baby girl is upstairs sleeping."
He told me he loved me. That he misses me too. I was just sobbing. He kept whispering over the phone, "Sshh baby, take a deep breath. Its okay. I wish I could comfort you. Please don't cry. I am so sorry that you had to go through this. I am so very sorry that you have to deal with all of this. You should not have to be out there dating." He was so sincere.
I came home and washed my face and curled up in bed. This is not how it is suppose to be. This is all so messed up.
I woke up with two messages from the dinner date. He wants to go out again. No, I do not want to do this yet. I want to crawl back in my cave. I am just not ready.
The X has not called me today......
I don't understand a thing anymore.
BB
Re:I want to go back in my cave.... JimB: [quote author=barelybreathing link=board=1;threadid=1068;start=0#msg6846 date=1064705812">
This is not how it is suppose to be. This is all so messed up.
[/quote">
Yeah.
But it is how it is. And I'm not sure how calling him and telling him just how needy you are feeling is supposed to change his mind and suddenly remove all his guilt issues. He won't be calling you.
Anyway, do exactly what you feel comfortable doing. No more, no less. It doesn't matter what this guy spent on you - it ain't worth it if it makes you feel this way. It is well within your rights to explain to him that you're not comfortable, and to choose your own path based on those feelings.
BB, you've gotten so good at putting yourself first - don't throw it all away. Stay clear and focused. Of course your first night out with someone new is going to make you think of the happy days with your ex. But that doesn't mean you can go back and undo all the mistakes he's made. You don't really miss him - you miss the person he used to be.
If you get caught up in these long lists of things you loved doing with your ex, you'll lose sight of all the wonderful things you have in your new life without him. It's not really messed up unless you choose to focus on what you don't have, rather than what you do have. Can we see a list of some of those things from you?
Re:I want to go back in my cave.... barelybreathing: I know Jimb. Oh, how I know.
It was hard, first real outing and all. I kept thinking to myself, this man is very kind to engage with me and want to take me to a really nice place and treat me like a princess.
But thoughts kept creeping up about my X and all. I kept trying to remind myself that it is part of my past. And I need to not let my past dictate my future. Believe me I had all the psychie mindset there to catch me when I started to wallow.
But it didn't work!
I read what you say and you are right on point. Application though is so much harder.
Okay my list of what I do have right now.
My faith. My daughter. My family.
BB
Re:I want to go back in my cave.... Old_Shoes: So you dipped your toe in the dating pool and found it's still too cold to go swimming. :)
That you even went out with someone is a huge sign that you are moving forward. I would be worried if your first outing didn't bring on at least some emotional trauma.
Keep your head up. Take your time. Fall back and rebuild. Eventually you're next outing will go better.
And yes, the application is always harder than the recommendation. I wish moving on was as easy as flipping a switch. A little forward a little back. Just so long as the overall direction is onward.
Re:I want to go back in my cave.... DaisyGarden: I met nice guy at a wedding back in Dec. 2002. He lives about 3 hours away from me but we did have a nice time. The wedding couple (our mutual friends) tried to set us up (yes, I knew this was the plan). They all drove out here and spent 3 LOOOONG days in town (the 'brides' parents live here too). Even though we were never alone, it was uncomfortable, and yes, i just missed my ex. That was back in May. Even last night after going out with friends, I just missed my ex. I'm in a group and I'm lonely. Everything reminds me of how comfortable we were together.
My s2bx has apologized for his affair, and said that even if he wanted to work things out that he couldn't because he has hurt me too badly. I do believe he feels guilt. But, he just doesn't want to be with me 'married'.....ever again. At one point or another, I have cried, I have begged, I have questioned, I have reasoned. He just doesn't want to be married anymore. It only hurts us when we call and ask 'why'. We'll never get the answer we want. I don't understand anything either. :-[ But, I too know that I'm just not ready.
Good luck, I'll be thinking about you.
Click More for the next page.
