Nightmare Confirmed brynne: Well, you guys were right...H is having an affair, I found out from the software report of his IM this morning.
What a NIGHTMARE come true, I SOO wanted to believe that it wasn't true but I had to find out for sure, I knew deep down that something besides routine marital problems were occuring, I just really didn't think he'd stoop this LOW !! What an ass, I am so angry, hurt, I don't know what to think right now. I hit me like a ton of bricks, reading the details of the conversation he was having on IM. They have been to our favorite resturant, what NERVE, my friends & family go there all the time !! He screwed up when he IM her about that they need to stop going there b/c I told him someone at work had seen him there last weekend (not true - but it posted to his credit card so I knew he was there - wanted him to swirm). He told "her" that they needed to be more careful where they eat in case someone seems them. WHAT A SON OF A B**CH !! I am in a state of SHOCK right now, like the nightmare that I was having has come true (I actually dreamed that he was seeing someone just 2 weeks ago...NOW I believe in women's intuition !)
Now I must decide how & when to confront him, I think I'm going to let him dig his grave a little deeper, that's what my sister said to do (who's also an atty). SO now I have to get myself together, my head screwed on straight & figure out what steps to take next. I guess I finally found that "sign" I've been looking for & wow was it a BIG SIGN !!
Thanks to everyone for their advice & guidance over the last few weeks.
Hope28
Re:Nightmare Confirmed paddington: Hope - I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I can relate. This discovery is a hell that you would not wish on your worst enemy.
That said -- calm down to the extent possible. Before you confront him or do anything think about what YOU ultimately want (other than an explanation of why he would do such an awful thing). Do you think, if he apologized and you went to counseling, that you would want to work on the marriage? Do you want the marriage over regardless of what he says? Do you want him in your home? Do you have a safe place to go in the event things get ugly? Think of these things and plan as much as possible, because once you confront him, you will lose some control both temporally and emotionally.
Re:Nightmare Confirmed niceguy: Hope,
I'm sorry that this is happening to you. I found out about one of my wife's dates from the credit card bill myself. The kicker is she took him to a place I had been asking her to go for weeks but she didn't feel like it. This whole thing sucks and I am sorry you are going through it.
I agree with paddington...take your time before confronting. Answer some questions for yourself first. Make sure you have a plan.
Again sorry your are going through this.
Niceguy
Re:Nightmare Confirmed notmyself: hope,
i am so sorry that this has been confirmed for you, but applaud you for your courage to find out the truth. i know the first reaction may be to flip out and scream at him. (been there, done that) figure out what you want and then go after it. take extra special care of yourself right now... it is easy to forget to take care of you! i agree with your sister to let him deep himself a little deeper.... it will probably benefit you in the settlement ( if that is what you choose to do). best wishes.
nms
Re:Nightmare Confirmed barelybreathing: I am so very sorry.
Please send me a private message if you need to talk about this more.
Affairs are devastating. You are going to just turn yourself inside out over this.
It is the worst pain. The worst feeling. Worse than a death. I don't care what anyone tells you.
Please take care of yourself FIRST and FOREMOST!
BB
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