A happy ending? praxedis: For those who don't know, I cheated on my wife in June. She found out not long after and we've been through an exceeding amount of devastation since.
Long story short: We found out through a significant amount of soul-searching that we were just meant to divorce. There has been so much pain and devastation and damage done to our relationship that it just became unsalvagable. Sometimes that happens, you know?
We have two beautiful children together.
The following are the two e-mails that sealed our futures without one another composed just today. I suppose if there's going to be a happy ending, this would be it.
Still, I would never want to go through this ever again:
---
J:
I agree with everything you said and I was waiting for a good time to tell you the same thing. You're right about everything and I only hope the best for you.
I'm sorry it took such a devastating turn of events for us to come to this sort of realization, but the idea is that we have both learned a lot about ourselves and will move forward in our lives taking what we've learned and applying it the best way we know how.
I will always love you too. I will always care for you.
And I look forward to a different type of future with you and our children. I know that together we can make it happy for S and B in spite of everything because they are the ties that will bind us together forever.
I'm hoping we can salvage the essence of our marriage and turn it into a great friendship. I would be honored to be part of your circle of friends.
Always,
S
-----Original Message-----
From: j
Sent: Monday, September 29, 2003 10:04 AM
To: S
Subject: Not upset
S:
I've been thinking over the weekend. Sometimes I get so optimistic I
lose sight of what is realistic for you, me and us. You're right. I
don't think I can ever stop going to my friends for support. Nearly all
of them have been in my life for such a long period of time and I don't
want to give up sharing my life with them, as I wouldn't want them to
stop sharing their lives with me. I would like to share good things
with them instead of running to them as a victim looking for sympathy.
However, I will at times want to tell them about uphappy situations for
opinions, understanding, or just a listening ear. I don't think you can
accept that or understand that about me. That's ok. You have your
limits and I do too. At this point, so much damage has been done to our
relationship, not just the affair, but everything over the last 81/2
years, that I don't think you and I could ever recover together and move
on together. S, I am ready to move on with my life. I want to date
other people. I want to do my thing. I want to continue to develop
myself. Iwant to go through with the divorce. You and I at two
different points in our lives. I think deep down you realize this too.
You have always been the more realistic person in our relationship. It's
hard to let go. The familiar is easier than the unfamiliar. I
understand that and I think at times that is what drives my behavior to
act so inconsistent- Fear- Sometimes I do fear being alone, but
altimately, I am ok with being alone. However, I am never going to move
past it if I keep hanging on and believing in something that is no
longer there.
I will always love you and care about your well being. I think you can
say the same to me. But being together in probably not the most
healthest decision for either of us. Especially at this point in our
lives. Of course, we will have to continue to develop our relationship
as parents of S and B, but I think this is probably best
for them too. At some point, after all of the healing and forgiveness,
I hope we can have a strong co-parenting relationship.
Love, J
Re:A happy ending? JASPER: Well Praxedis,
Sounds as if you guys have both made the decision to move on. I hope this ending is as happy for you as you think it will be.
Good luck on your new life!
Re:A happy ending? NotADoormat: Ouch. Both of those emails were very moving. How are you doing? What are you feeling about them right now? At least a direction has been charted - not that it's an easy one. I wish you the strength to get through the process and protect your children from most of it.
Good luck! IM me if you need to talk. I (successfully I hope) pulled 2 kids through a divorce and they seem to be semi-well adjusted.
Re:A happy ending? barelybreathing: What a remarkable woman.
She has grace and dignity.
BB
Re:A happy ending? Brian75034: "There has been so much pain and devastation and damage done to our relationship that it just became unsalvagable. Sometimes that happens, you know?"
You probably said this as maybe a "oh well, sh*T happens" sort of statement because what is done is done.
BUT, id like to say that NO, sometimes is DOESNT "happen".
Marriage require lots of work so that lines and boundaries are not crossed where it gets beyond the point of no return.
Fix the problem BEFORE it is too late.
But, what is done and done.
I just hope you, and others and me, can live and learn from all the mistakes.
B
