13 years and he's gone left in MN: I need to share my story cuz I'm in so much pain. We were married 13 years and have two great kids. He says we have nothing in commom anymore and I gave too much to being a mom to the kids. We have not showen any affection towards each other in a long time and that I regret but am so willing to try again. I mean no kiss, hug, I love you it was always just sex. My son (5) taking this very hard always asks daddy when your coming home to play or daddy your moving is sad very sad. My daughter (8) won't talk to her father and can't understand how this could happen. My husband has had sooo much freedon during the course of our marriage always on the go and me always home tending to home & family needs. I'm in tears all the time....what next.......did I do so bad at trying to raise two great kids that we can be proud of cuz the kids and I are certinaly being punished for trying to stay grounded.....:'(
Re:13 years and he's gone TiredandScared: First of all my thoughts and prayers are with you in this hard, hard time. It might take some time, but in the long run things will get better. I'm in the TC area if you need someone to talk to , PM me if you need to talk and I'll see about calling you.
Like I said it will get better, just the initial shock hurts real bad. But then slowly you will see things in a clearer light.
Good Luck
Re:13 years and he's gone NotADoormat: I know EXACTLY what you're going through. I was married 13-1/2 years when I was informed that he was no longer "attracted" to me. We also have 2 kids, but a little older than yours (12 and 13). It is a huge shock and your whole world is upside down I imagine. We tried counseling for a year, but there was just too much water under the bridge. He ended up cheating on me with my best friend WHILE we were in counseling.
I am the one who filed for divorce even though I didn't want to. Let me tell you that I'm glad I did. What I hadn't realized is that (1) his loss of attraction to me was as much his fault as mine. He didn't even know the meaning of the word "romance". It was always "wham-bam" without the "thankyou-ma'am" attached and it was my fault that I allowed it to be that way for so long. (2) I am much better off without him now. I do miss our life together and our future, but I do not miss a lot of things about our married life that I used to feel comfortable with.
I hope that helped. I know how hard this time in your life is right now, so if you need to vent to me, feel free. This will be difficult, but concentrate on yourself right now. If you need to see a counselor, it might help - do it for you and don't expect him to "approve" of it. What you do isn't his concern anymore.
Also, he is not punishing you or the kids, especially the kids. Keep this between you and him only. He is probably lost and confused right now too, just keep your head on straight and do what's best for you and the kids right now. Let him worry about what's best for him. I wish you strength and the best of luck.
Re:13 years and he's gone praxedis: Okay, you didn't mention anything about him cheating on you. I don't think you did anyway.
Anyway, I was a cheater and, believe me, your husband is cheating on you. Everything you've said is typical of the scenario.
I believed, as your husband probably does, that the excuses for leaving were unique to me and that I could somehow hide what was happening. The more I study the phenomenon of infidelity, the more I realize the similarities between almost every single situation.
Now, I don't want this to seem insensitive because your feelings are valid, but the worst thing you can do right now (if you want the marriage to work) is to come off as some sort of martyr. Your husband will resent you for it.
My politically correct advice: Seek counseling.
My personal advice: Invite him on a date, take a couple of shots of a good strong bourbon and then do things to him sexually that you've never done to him before. Surprise the hell out of him. Then send him on his merry way and wait for the phone to ring. Believe me, it will.
But that's just me.
Re:13 years and he's gone NotADoormat: [quote author=praxedis link=board=1;threadid=1085;start=0#msg6991 date=1064950515">
My personal advice: Invite him on a date, take a couple of shots of a good strong bourbon and then do things to him sexually that you've never done to him before. Surprise the hell out of him. Then send him on his merry way and wait for the phone to ring. Believe me, it will.
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Well, MY personal advice is that if you think your husband may be cheating on you - this is a very BAD idea because he could have diseases from the OW that you probably don't want to share with him.
