Feeling Nothing paddington: I have been having a rough couple of days lately. This time of year its the Jewish new year, which is equivalent to Christmas in terms of importance and being a family holiday. Even though my X left me in April (to clear his head for 2 weeks and then never came back) and our divorce hearing was in August, I have never felt so lonely and sad about all that has happened as I do now. Things are just sinking in slowly. The old "what else could I have done" tapes keep playing through my head. My parents have been there but are frustrated because, given his infidelity and verbal abuse, they can't understand why I still feel sad and not ANGRY.
In any event, spoke to my X yesterday - he was really hostile when I told him that I was sad, telling me that I was being unhealthy by not moving on and that he had moved on months ago. He then told me he had other worries on his mind and he could not deal with me any longer. When I asked him what those worries were he revealed to me that the woman he had the affair with just delivered her baby on Friday and that he has to now deal with potential paternity and support issues if a DNA test shows he is the father.
I obviously knew this day was coming but still, I felt nothing. Not anger, not shock, just nothing. I am just not absorbing that this is my life and that this is my X's life. He has told me that what happens with respect to this child is none of my business and has threatened me that if I tell anyone about the baby (as paternity is not established) -- including my close friends or parents -- he will "seek vengance" and "never trust me" again.
I do not understand his anger at me. I do not understand the lack of anger in me.
Thanks for letting me unload.
Re:Feeling Nothing admin: He said *he* would never trust you again?
Wow... what a cheek... after all the lies he's told.
Amazing!
Re:Feeling Nothing barelybreathing: Why are you vulnerable to him? Why do you allow verbal abuse from him?
You deserve so much and more! He has some serious issues and he is allowing you to be the outlet for not dealing with any of "his" issues.
Of course you care about him, you spent time with this man. But it does not entitle him to bringing you down or making you feel bad. He is taking advantage of your obvious generous spirit.
You do not have to keep his dirty little secret. That is not your responsibility.
If he had character and grit he would walk the long road back to redemption and SUCK IT UP.
He is very toxic to himself and to others around him. You need to not be a part of that world. It brings you down.
His paternity issues is his problem, not yours. And you are not responsible for keeping his trust about it. He has not earned your trust by any means. Clearly he has not learned a thing here.
Hold on paddington, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Do not let your past dictate your future. And do not create a future based on your past. The past is the past. That is all it is. And he needs to be your past.
BB
Re:Feeling Nothing PiscesGoddess: Oh honey..this just makes my blood boil! As if you have not been through enough already ::)
You have a right to all of your feelings..if your not angry your not angry.. As for the j-off ex of yours he has some freakin nerve! Dont let him threaten you or make you keep his dirty little indescretions.. you have the right to say anything you choose and he cant do a damn thing about it..You are a brave strong woman who has been put through hell... dont let him get to you..You are such a better person than he is..Hang in there.. we are here for you!!
Hugs
Pisces ;)
Re:Feeling Nothing Safetykc: I understand completely. My STBX didn't want me to tell anyone about her indescretions either...I limited who I told, but thats what GOOD friends and family are for. Support. My family is also not understanding why I am not angrier. I don't know why either, but you can only feel what you feel. No one else can or should tell you how to feel. Hang in there and do whats good for you. P.S. Happy New Year. Rosh Hashana was rough for me too. Here's looking forward to a better one this year! For all of us.... ;D
Click More for the next page.
