Been a rough week part 3 cont.... Safetykc: Then she called me again to talk about this crap. I need a new number...Anyway during the conversation she pulled out the kids card. She said, "K"(my stepdaughter) said she missed me tonight. She set an extra place at dinner and when the STBX asked her why she said it was for me and she missed me. She knew I wasn't coming but it was ok becasue she had named her stuff panda after me and brought that to the table....MORE HEARTBREAK!!! :'( :'( :'( I told the X that the kids could call me anytime and she knew that...she said she did. I askede if this is the first time they had mentioned missing me and she said yes.(I highly doubt it....) but it broke my heart again...I want to see them so bad, but it is another way for her to hurt me, otherwise why bring it up the night she got served. She doesn't want to work on things but wants me to feel bad for being decisive and getting closure??? Unfair man....Well enough venting....I went to counseling today and it was worthless. I need a new couselor, this is the same guy we went to ONCE as a couple and he told us not to continue because she was ambivalent. It started out with him asking if my ex was joining us because he thought she would be there....umm...you told us not to bother dude? Then he listened to me and said what i was feeling was normal, no duh and basically to do what i wanted. If that was to divorce divorce, if wait wait, if talk to her, talk to her. No help. No clue. I get better advice and support her, from friends, and family. I thought it was a counselor's job to help you figure out what you want? The book he advised me to read was....get this...getting past the affair! Wouldn't coping with loss or divorce be better? He said this would be good so that if she ever wanted to work things out I would kow what steps to take to rebuild trust. REBUILD TRUST?!?!? Didn't her hear me that THIS WOMAN LEFT AND DOES NOT WANT TO WORK ON THINGS! oh well, time for a new counselor. It is free through works EAP, so that is what i get I guess. Anyone else had bad luck with their first counselor? Thanks for listening to me vent. Take care all...
Re:Been a rough week part 1.... heelblue: I have noticed that sometimes people with serious self esteem issues tend to be blamers no matter what the circumstances(not always the case, but I have seen it a lot). This has happened to me on a few different occassions. My stbx actually told me that after she slept with this guy that she was mad at me! Like I made her jump in bed with him!
Don't let her blame you for everything. Don't let her "guilt" you into anything either. She is the one who cheated and you don't need to "inspire confidence" within her. It isn't your job.
It sounds like reality has slapped her in the face. It has a funny way of doing that.
Re:Been a rough week part 1.... JASPER: I know just how you feel it seems I have been asigned to a counselor who has no clue as to whats going on.
She tells me things like you must release the pain of the affair as if it's that easy.I tell her I've been dealing with the pain of infidelity for 8 years and know matter how hard I try it still hurts like it just happend.I telll her the trust in the relationship is gone I dont trust him and he says he doesn't trust me. Her advice maybe I should give him my cell phone and let him answer it for week and thats suppose to help build trust! (IS SHE FOR REAL)
I can honestly say I hate my counselor she has no clue what it feels like to be cheated on.Even after I named about ten different affairs he has had she still tells me I need to let go of the hurt and act as if this is the first day of our live together.
I SWEAR SOMETIMES I WANT TO REACH ACROSS THE DESK AND WRING HER NECK! >:( >:(
Re:Been a rough week part 1.... Safetykc: Hey Jasper, God, your counselor sounds awful too. I am seriously going to find another one...Have you thought of that? I don't get the cell phone thing. I don't understand why mine is focusing on the affair like we were both actually together working on things. No reason for me to get over it and rebuild trust with someone who is no longer there. What a marooon. Thanks for the kind words HB, I think reality did hit her in the face. It makes me feel good and bummed at the same time. Weird huh? Thought I would feel good if it hit her what she was losing with me. But now that is finally hitting her it just makes me feel kind of blue. But, I guess if I did feel good to see another person hurting, even her, I wouldn't like myself as much, and I really like who I am. So there...Thanks all!
Re:Been a rough week part 1.... JASPER: I've thought of switching but my stbx seems to like this lady maybe because she is saying all the stuff he wants to hear.
I guess I just feel like whats the point of switching when deep down I know the marriage is over.I'm pretty much just going through the motions right now so I can at least feel I've given it my all.
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