cant figure this out CONFUSED PETE: to begin, i am 30, she is 27. 1 month and 2 days ago my gf/fiance of nearly 12 years up and tells me she wants to be free, this is a total shock, never seen it coming at all, neither did anyone in my family or our friends. there was no signs leading to this that anyone seen, we had always been fine together, i never beat her, i am not a drunk, been faithful and honest, been employed since we met. all seemed fine, when she told me she loved me, (quite often) i always believed it, she never seemed to have a hard time laying close to me in our bed, she would put her arms around me when we went to bed and fall asleep that way sometimes, things were this way until she said she didnt want to be with me anymore. the night before she told me this we had been at my brothers home and played cards with a dozen family and friends, no one had any idea anything was amiss, 2 days before she told me this we had outstanding sex, i mean, intense meaningful sex, not a quickie, she loved every part of it and we layed together a bit afterwards, she gave me no clue that the bomb was 2 days away, i am not perfect in any sense of the word, she always seemed to accept that in every way. every morning when i left for work (i am a sheriffs officer) i would kiss her and say i love you as she was still in bed, she always said it back and added "be careful" i always felt loved.
now a month later and after i have heard some things from her. she tells me i was a negative person (perks of the job i guess), she has turned her back on everyone in my family and friends that always trusted her and she could depend on for ANYTHING. she says she wants to start over, none of this seems remotely rational. we had even begun looking at homes to buy up to this occuring. i cannot make any sense of this. last night i stopped at our house swhere she is staying to speak with her, she was standoffish at first but then seemed to listen and agree with some points, although she was fast to stay she doesnt want to be with me anymore. as we talked i put my hands on her shoulders and looked straight into her eyes and just told her that i always loved her and she was the one i considered my wife and wanted to spend forever with, i always felt this way, i said this a few different times, she had started to cry but she was fighting it, appears that this is effecting her but she was fighting it terribly, i have no idea what to make of this, i feel that her mother and older sister have a lot to do with this but have no proof other than i know they said they never thought she would be safe with me when we first started seeing each other. anyone have anything similar or can tell me what they think is the real deal here. im all ears.
Re:cant figure this out JimB: I don't know this - I can't. But my gut says there's someone else. When faced with a choice between something and nothing, very few people are able to choose nothing.
Re:cant figure this out MichelleOC: Hi there,
Sorry for your pain, Im no Freud, but heres some insight that can at least shed light:
[quote"> gf/fiance of nearly 12 years up and tells me she wants to be free,[/quote">
Shes been with you since she was 15? Did I read that right? That right there tells me that shes never really learned "who she is" without you, and that can make anyone want to break free and live life independantly.
I'd give her that at least. You guys met when you were babies... she probably wants to experience a different life, live before she settles down.
[quote"> i feel that her mother and older sister have a lot to do with this [/quote">
This is the lamest comment guys make. For crying out loud, moms and sisters only parrot back what the girl says. Believe you me, moms and sisters dont have any hard core say in how a girl lives her life. If shes being influenced by "them", its only because SHE WANTS TO and not because they have some weird psychic control over her. Dont make them the devil - thats a guys way of trying to manipulate the situation --"oh baby, dont listen to them! you know you really want to staaaay!" "your mom and sister are EVIL" nope, sorry, that'll only make her hate you.
Re:cant figure this out CONFUSED PETE: michelle,
you are only seeing things that you want too. i have lived and dealt with these people for a long time, i know how they are, which is why i do not care to spend time with them more than required. they pose the world is great and nothing is bad in the real world deal, i have seen this and verified what i thought, i know them to be this way, her mother resents the fact that i did not complete her prophecy that i would be a piece of shit and endanger her, i read between the lines.
jim, i agree with what you said, i came to realize that as you put it the ball is in her court because i know you cannot make someone love you, it just seems to sudden to have lost all emotion with someone overnight after pending half your lives together, and the fact about the sex,, a woman that is 56 years old and been through this type of deal said she cannot made any sense of that, how could you make love to someone and say it as you have sex then 2 days later tell them to go away, after living with them for 9 1/2 years, hard to make any reasonable sense out of this. impossible is probably more accurate.
