to leave or not to leave alex: this is my firsttime on this site and I could use some advice.
I have been with my wife for ten year married for 3. We got together when we were 2o years old. Not really knowing what we needed or wanted. in ten years we have never really had conflict and also i am now realizing never delt with anything that was wrong. we didnt want to rock the boat. I am open and communicative about what i want but whenever anything was wrong or bad in the relationship she shut down and could talk. I eveuntually gave up and just went with the flow. A year ago i became friends with a woman who is so sure of who she is and love life. I fell in love with her and had a relationship with her for the past year. during that time i drfited even further from my wife. I told my wife about her and eventually ended it to work on my marriage. its been so hard because i feel like the bad guy and my wife will do anything to make things work. I just dont feel connected to her anymore and am not sure if i ever reall was. It was just comfortable. I tavel for months at a time for work and dont really miss being at home.
I am trying to deal with telling her i want out but she makes me feel so guiltyand i do feel guilty. I am aware there is a chance things with the other woman wont work out as they often dont but i dont think i am in love with my wife.
what should I do. I have been in therapy with my wife for two months and out of the relationship for 5. my feelings arent changing and i think about this other woman all day every day.
Very confused and feeling weak.
Re:to leave or not to leave sourpuss: only you know what you should do, but i gotta ask: how honest are you REALLy being with respect to your therapy? i would think this kind of thing ought to be showing there if you are.
if you're just going through the motions, i think you should make a one-on-one appointment with the therapist to discuss your feelings and the best way to deal with them while becoming "uncoupled". he can help you and your wife to deal with that, too.
trust me, there is no way NOT to cause your wife pain & anguish, but you owe it to BOTH of you to minimize the horror of it all. do the decent thing.
Re:to leave or not to leave alex: i have been very honest with my therapy and my wife. I have told her that I dont have the feeling a husband should have for a wife and I dont want to keep rejecting her. I told her i wanted some space to try and get n touch with my feeling. she keeps saying to me they will come backand has gone from being not involved in our relationship to the full court press to do everything she can. I dont want to try and change her into something she is not. That cant last long. I should alos add that even though we have been together 10 years wehave lived very seperate live. Bothe working long day and not having all that much in common. We have seprate bank accounts and it feels like we have always had one foot out of the marriage. I just dont know if I can give her what she needs and she is trying to give me everything she thinks i need and more and all i ever wanted was her just to be her and not so concerned with all the matrialistic things. I feel like it is too late to go back to something that might not have been there all along!
Re:to leave or not to leave MichelleOC: Sounds like you have already made up your mind?
Re:to leave or not to leave microtech1: Just one question. When you say you ended your relationship with the OW does that mean you don't have contact at all with her?
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