What am I doing? ADPIE24: Ok, here is my story,
My husband and I have been married almost 6 years (together for 12). I have been very unhappy. I told him a week ago I wanted to leave.
I want my space. I have never had a chance to really figure out who I am or even get my independence.
Anyway, He is taking it very well. We are talking and for some Odd reason, we are becoming really good friends. Something that our relationship has lacked since we started dating. I think it is great. We plan on still trying to do things every now and then once apart which I want to work more than anything.
I guess the issue I am having is that I still want to leave and go have my independence and fun but not sure I want Divorce. Which we have kind of said that I will just take the time and when it comes to the 6 months mark when we can get divorced, we can decide if we want to stay together or not.
Well, I have to be out of the house in 1 week and I am starting to get scared. I still want a few months of being free and really want to work on our friendship.
Is this crazy or am I trying to have my cake and eat it too?
I have such mixed emotions!! Thanks for any advice ???
Re:What am I doing? sourpuss: i doubt very much that you can have your cake and eat it too.
i'm all for independence and working on ones self, but i think that "being free" and being part of a marriage are generally incompatible. marriage is a partnership. you can maintain independence and be married, but that marriage means it is not always all about YOU.
if your hubby is ok with the "separate now and see where we are in a few months" arrangement, then good for you both. if you are able to maintain a genuine friendship during and after, good for you both.
are you prepared to see him dating other women? are you ready to not have that shoulder to lean on when your car breaks down? living on your own resources? getting your own soup when you have the flu? are you ready to live with the fact that once you are separated, he will make decisions without reference to you or your marriage?
6 months from now, if you decide not to return, you may find his attitude towards you and being friends may change dramatically if he still want to be with you.
i support you in wanting to know who you are, but you cannot have it both ways. think long and hard while you are on your own.
good luck. let us know how it turns out.
Re:What am I doing? BlindOracle: Listen to Jim
Jim is wise....Jim is good
In Jim we trust!
Ok, seriously....don't get involved with another man until you're absolutely certain that it's over for good. That would crush him...and do him the decency of telling him yourself before hand?
Re:What am I doing? ADPIE24: Thanks everyone,
Ok, now what, Since my husband and I have been talking a lot lately, he informed me that he has contacted and OLD ex girlfriend (this is one person in the world I didn't want him to even contact or have anything to do with since we have been together, he always put her up on a pedistool). Now that I know he has been talking to her, I feel mad, like he is only thinking about how he can "satisfy" himself. This is the one girl I KNOW will do anything to get into his pants.
I know, I am the one who wants space with no strings but just knowing that, still hurts.
Re:What am I doing? ww9111: [quote author=ADPIE24 link=board=1;threadid=11062;start=0#msg89371 date=1115495404"> Now that I know he has been talking to her, I feel mad, like he is only thinking about how he can "satisfy" himself. This is the one girl I KNOW will do anything to get into his pants. [/quote">
So it is ok for you to run off and have your freedom but if he even *talks* to someone you don't want him to you are upset?
You're very similar to my stbxw. She was out cheating on me and then would get upset with me if I accidently left my ring in the bathroom in the morning.
You want to go and have your fun and expect your husband to sit dutifully at home waiting for you to decide if you still want to be married?
I'm sorry, I think you need to grow up, a lot.
If you want your freedom then you risk your husband realizing he can be happy without you, the same chance he's taking by letting you go.
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