My Story JaiJai: I don't know why I'm sitting here typing to a forum about this, except that I don't know where else to turn. here's my story...
I met him 5 years go, online... He's the only guy i've ever met online, and from that day, we were inseparable. I live in the U.S. he lives in Canada.. due to our jobs we couldnt' move to the other one yet.. but I was moving up there this summer.
Neways.. In 5 years, we never missed one day of talking. Not one day. We talked for hours and hours. He was completely in love with me, and I him. I Never felt so loved by anyone in my life. This past xmas, he even bought me an engagement ring, and we planned on have children, everything... 4 months ago he got a new job with microsoft.. and about 2 months into it, he started getting kinda "distant" with me..I just figured it was the new job and hours of work. He still told me how much he loved me and couldnt' wait for me to move there, but I noticed a difference in him :'( I do remember him talking of a couple new friends at work, and one of them was a girl, named rose. Well as he got more distant, I even asked him if there was something wrong, or if he'd met someone else... he was hurt that i'd even wonder, but I didn't know what else it could be. He told me him and this girl were just friends, nothing more. Well 2 weeks ago, for the first time in 5 years.. he stayed out all night.. and he said he was out having coffee with rose. well of course it upset me, but we were ok, and he said he wanted things to work out with us, that he loved me and wanted to marry me.
Well, 2 nights later, he told me this: That he was a dark person, alone and had no feelings for anyone, before he met me. That I made him feel things he'd never felt before, and it was refreshing and he loved it so much...but that since he wasn't the type to normally have or show emotion to ppl, he was emotionally drained from having to "exist in a normal relationship", he told me I was the most awesome person he has ever known, and that I did nothing to cause this, that I never wronged him, but that he just needed to exist in a place that I could not follow. That he'd eventually hurt me anyways, and that he might as well let me go now. I was crushed, cried and cried, pleaded with him to not do this.. but he was firm that it wouldn't work, and that I could not exist in the place he needed to exist.
Now for the twist, the very next day, rose broke up with her b/f, and Now my b/f and her are a couple, heh. I've asked how he can have a relationship with her, but not me, he said she is like him, she doesn't need anything but to "exist" in the same way he does. he said he loves us both, but that she is more like him so he can "exist" where she is, and that I am just too good of a person to drag me down to that level. I guess she's also into some strange things too, like she had him "cut" her?? I freaked when I heard this....
Listen, I dont' understand all of this, Im confused, Im hurt, I can't stop crying, I can't eat, I've eaten like 4 things in 2 weeks, I can't focus, I can't get this out of my mind for very long at all... He still talks to me, and I know I need to not answer the phone and stuff, but how do I walk away? I honestly feel like my heart has been ripped from me.. there's more but I've taken up enough space already. How can I get over this? I dont' even feel like I want to wake up everyday :'( :'( :'(
He is still Adamant that he never left me FOR her, that it just "happened", that it was not planned, but I just know it had to be, he would have Never left me, he always told me I was the best thing that ever happened to him. It's really hard to go on without him, especially because of how special he always treated me, how wonderful he always was to me, I am in such shock, I cannot grasp what he has done and how he could just throw me away like this. :'(
Re:My Story AmyMarie1972: Hi,
You have just written my story. My stbx started a new job. He became good friends with a girl there. He suddenly became distant, then he decided that me and him would not work anymore (we were together for 13 years with 4 kids). After he left she coincidentally broke up with her husband and within 5 weeks they were seeing eachother, within 7 they were living together.
I have had to come to terms with the fact that he left me for her despite him saying that he didn't and it really does hurt. I kept on thinking what is it that she has that I dont and from what I could see and what I heard there was nothing.
The pain does ease with time, and I know exactly where you are right now because I have been there too. This board will help out alot as well. I also kept a journal of everything that I was thinking and feeling, it was a way of not keeping it all bottled up.
It is the hardest thing that I have ever been through in my life. You go through so many different emotions, and another thing that continuosly goes through your mind is how could he cause so much pain to me, leave me suffering and yet he is the one that gets to be happy.
There sre no answers to how to get over this, but you will find a way. Everybody has a strength inside themselves that helps them get through this and move on and you will find yours.
take care of yourself
Amy
Re:My Story BlindOracle: JaiJai
run
I mean it...turn and run from this guy....as much as you think you know him, you don't. I've been on both sides of this light/dark think he's talking about and I understand the state of mind. I've walked right up to the breaking point and I turned around...he obviously didn't.
Re:My Story riversandlakes: [quote author=amymarie1972 link=board=1;threadid=11069;start=0#msg88908 date=1115379056">
how could he cause so much pain to me, leave me suffering and yet he is the one that gets to be happy.
There sre no answers to how to get over this, but you will find a way. Everybody has a strength inside themselves that helps them get through this and move on and you will find yours.
take care of yourself
Amy
[/quote">
jaijai, amy says the truth there. you'll wonder why does this person get to be happy. hopefully we'll all reach the stage SOON when the question, even if unanswered, does not matter anymore...
The ultimate emotional neutrality.
Everyone's way of healing is different. Some found another for a bounce relationship at the expense of the other; some picked up new hobbies; some moved away. I found a a new job and dunked myself into pumping iron. 3 months down the road i'm the biggest tonest guy in the two gyms i've frequented.
If I may ask you to read up all the previous posts - you will NOTICE they all say the same thing. More often that not, if you stay around long enough, you'll end up saying as amy did - this sounds so much like my story.
i've said that a dozen times.
it goes either way - "it's not you, it's me. it's not him/her, it's me" or "it's YOU ALL THE WAY TO BLAME."
if you cannot eat, buddy, drink. stay alive. i've yet to find a sentence to make myself feel better. the closest is karma. this breed will get their due sooner or later, this life or the next.
perhaps, also, even though i've lost my faith, "God is closest to those with broken hearts?"
Re:My Story betteroffalso: Sorry to hear about your loss. However, I think you are very fortunate. I know you think you knew him........BUT obviously you didnt. He has another side to him. One that does not sound very appealing. Being so far away, you couldnt know this 'part' of him. That is dangerous. I think you are fortunate to have gotten out before it came to you being the one that he was wanting to 'cut'.
Just know you are going to be sad, you are going to cry, you are going to not eat for a while. This is normal. You will feel like the end of the world for a while. I never knew all I was feeling was normal. THeir are REAL stages you go through, its not just cliche. Just know you are not alone. There are MANY MANY of us out their going through this with you!! We truly know your pain.
Hang in there, this is a great place.
BOA
