Confusion reigns dulok68: I've just only past the 35 mark (but reckon i still qualify to use the board - hopefully), and i have also just uncovered my wife's affair.
I finally got a confession out of her at the end of February that she had been seeing our daughter's karate instructor. Must have been going on for about 10 months. Should have confronted her earlier i know because all the signs were there, i just did not want to believe it. I still can't believe it. Married for 16 years, 4 fantastic kids. Married young at 21 and was the 'toy-boy'.
Like i said just gone over the 35 mark (actually just turned 36) - wife is 41. I've been self employed for best part of 18 months, working from home, but working long hours trying to build the business up. I thought it was that but she reckons that she was scared of getting old - so thats why she did it. However it seems the affair stepped up a gear once she had convinced me to move from the 'home' office to proper premises.
Says she doesn't love him, wants no more to do with him, loves me, wants to stay with me, wants me to stay with her. I know she has not called him from her mobile since I discovered what she hasd been up to and I know she has not emailed or been on MSN chat with him because i installed some monitoring software.
Since the discovery she has been a lot nicer, we spend more time together, the sex has been great, but i feel that as time passes i am starting to fall out of love with her. But then i have days when i feel my heart is going to burst with love that is still there.
So confused. So much more but no time to tell at the present. Any one else....
Re:Confusion reigns AloneandCold: I am sorry for what brought you here but welcome to ojar. The only thing I can say is if sometimes you feel a lot of love for her and other times you don't I would say you are not falling out of love with her at all. IMO what is going on is because of everything that happened you may have mental blocks up that sometimes keep you from feeling the emotion and other times the emotion comes through. I would suggest counseling for yourself if not that and couples counseling. I wish you luck
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Re:Confusion reigns Shanna: WElcome to Ojar!! Glad you found us!
I have to say I wouldn't make a decision right now, if I were you.
I would stick with it a while and get couseling. I think it will help you deal with the betrayal.
So are you still taking your daughter to karate?
Re:Confusion reigns dulok68: That was half the problem i think - the wife was taking her to karate whilst i took the boys to soccer. But NO the karate has stopped - i had to put my foot down on that one.
My daugter is destroyed because it was her life and she was quite good at it, but i don't think i had any other choice. I think my daughter is slowly starting to forgive me for not letting her go anymore. She hated me for quite some time.
A lot of the initial blame for the phone calls & txt messages that the wife made was that our daughter had a crush on him (the instructor) and the wife was putting a stop to that (now i know why).
Of course the other really bad thing in all this mess is that my daughter (15 years old) has had to find out about it all. I accussed the wife initially and our daughter confessed to me that her mum was defending her hence all the phone calls & txt. So we had a good cry about that, and she begged me not to leave her mum as she was most definately not having an affair.
24 hours later of course armed with nagging doubts and more evidence - it all got turned on its head along with my world when i realised there was definately an affair going on and my wife then also having confessed to me, then also confessed to our daughter, who wanted to know why dad had left the house in floods of tears - i.e. was it all our daughters fault and was it going to cause a break up.
i guess i found this board because despite still having feelings for my wife, the lies, the hurt, the pain, the pictures in my head of them together are what fill my waking thoughts every morning. Even now some 3 months later. I have to start every morning afresh getting over it, and it is hard work.
The up side - i've must have lost at least 14 - 20 lbs in last 10 weeks. The stress / betrayed diet - call it what you will. But i would NOT recommend it to anyone. Starting to feel good about myself again, which i have not for a long time due to all the put downs, snipes, nasty comments.
Re:Confusion reigns Shanna: Sorry your daughter was put in the middle. IS there another Karate place there she could go to instead? There are other types of martial arts also...so maybe that could help.
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