Re:Confusion reigns Destroyed: You and I have alot in common....read my story. Anyways...I would say keep doing what you're doing. Work on your business and let her try to make it up to you. Stop having sex with her and see what else she can offer you. Women think they can control men through sex. Like it's the magic drug. They can just do anything they want as long as they give you your medicine when you need it. Amazing how Great you feel about your relationship afterwards ain't it? Then slowly you start to slide back down into the cruel reality of the situation. Time for more medicine!
BAH...this was happening to me and I stopped it. If you need help just think of her with him. It does wonders to destroy the libido.
You have alot at stake in your relationship and it's absolutely heartbreaking to read your daughter's involvement in all this. poor kid. Focus on her..give her a hug and let her know that it's not her fault. She's in a bad place too I reckon.
Your wife, on the other hand, has alot of makin up to do. See if she can do it without resorting to giving you your medicine. I believe in hope and love. It CAN be saved. You just have to be strong. Your wife is a different person now. Don't try to think about how she was...look at her now. How has it affected her. Can you stand what you see? Get answers. Why did she come back, why did she do it, what is her life lacking and how can you fill that need. Reconnect on a mental level...then the physical will come with no strings attached.
Re:Confusion reigns dulok68: OMG. So the spy software is still on the PC, and today she has an MSN chat with another of the karate instructors. He wants to know "where has she been?"; "Will She come back?"; "He really misses her!", she replays with "Can't say where been", "Will have to wait a while"; "Sorry not been in touch"; "Hope he is OK".
I think a another discussion is needed here. This looks really bad to me - or am I now just a jibbering paranoid wreck?
Can't help thinking about how the hell you say goodbye to 4 great kids. Still can't believe this. I'll be starting with nothing again. No house, my IT business is suffering - can't concentrate, so no work getting done - so no money coming in - which is now causing problems, my car is off the road and can't afford to fix it - so she is running me around in her motor, and my only social outlet (performing a club rock band) is also falling apart because one the band members has found what he thinks is a better band locally.
Can't get any worse - lol. Is it being strong staying or does it take take more guts to go? I don't know anymore...
ps. for a previous post - daughter was doing a very specific type, and does not want to consider any other so she says.
Re:Confusion reigns jt5639: I do think another discussion is needed. She needs to give you reason to trust her again, so any breach of trust should be brought to her attention. And counseling? Will she go to counseling with you - I think a mediator would be extremely helpful.
And just my two cents: regarding witholding sex - don't play games - it's dishonest, will lead to more communication problems. If you think she's having sex to "control you", set up boundries regarding how the re-building of your relationship needs to progress. Be open, honest, and careful.
jt
Re:Confusion reigns dulok68: She won't go to counselling. Says I can if I want, but it costs so she not exactly sure i should, and like I said the money isn't there until i screw my head back on.
I spoke to one of our mutual friends (female) from long ago. Spoke only by phone - no meeting - but need to talk to someone. Told her last night and she went mental - like i was having the affair. how many calls, how many txts, what was in the txts, what did i say. So i think i messed that friendship up now. Seems everything i do at the moment is wrong decision.
Still love her to bits - but not sure i can cope with this, and i don't think she will put up with it. What a mess.
Re:Confusion reigns jt5639: She's the one screwing up here. You are being amazingly patient - but please don't be a doormat.
You deserve to be treated well. You should set up boundries - I don't want to say that you should make an ultimatum, 'cause I know that's scary - but she's screwed up and you need to make sure you have control of your situation. Counselers do sliding scales, so if that's important to you make it happen. She commited a serious breach of your trust - she should be working her butt off to make it up to you.
And if she doesn't want to "put up with" what you need her to do to trust her again...then you deserve better, and will be better off without her.
jt
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