4 year anniversary would be tomorrow (having a hard time) brokehearted: It has been a little over 5 weeks since my ex boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. He gave me reasons but in reality he had met some girl at work that he decided was worth risking our relationship for. I am just so hurt by this I don't even know how to deal. The biggest problem with our relationship was that we were stuck in a rut, we would talk about it but neither one of us never did anything about it. Tomorrow would be our 4 year anniversary and about 6 weeks ago we were talking about what we were going to do. It makes me sick to think that he will be spending it with her and he will have her to distract him from thinking about it. There is a little part of me that hopes I will hear something from him tomorrow but I know that won't happen. I try to keep myself busy but nothing seems to work my mind always travels back to him.
We have not spoken since the day we broke up and that is the hardest thing to deal with. Many times I have wanted to call him and tell him how much he hurt me but I haven't. I know I won't get the reaction I want. It's like being a drug addict and having someone just take your drugs away. To have someone in your life for 4 years day in and day out and then all of a sudden poof they're gone. Everyday I hope he will call me and everyday he doesn't. I know he has no obligation to care about me anymore but I wish he did, after 4 years I would like to think that he at least cares about me but then why hasn't he even called? I always have these little daydreams about him calling me and I know that is probably not good but I just can't stop them. I wish I could switch off my mind just like he switched off his feelings for me. Two days before he broke up with me kissed me and told me how much he loved me and how he wanted to work on us and he didn't want to loose me.
I keep hoping this new relatinonship is some sort of rebound and hope it won't last but as everyday goes by I just get proved wrong. I just can't stand the thought of them working, I understand if he doesn't want to be with me but I don't want them to be together. I want him to be happy just not with the girl he left me for. As sad as it is I still love him so much and I miss him so much. We really had a good time together, we laughed and joked around. Why is it that I only remember the good and he is probably thinking about the bad?
I just feel as though I am getting worse everyday. I balled this morning just thinking about tomorrow and it's not even here yet. My heart just aches as everyday passes. I thought I should be getting a little better by now but that is not working. Everyone always says you need time but I am the type of person that wants results right away, I don't want to feel this way anymore. He probably doesn't so why do I? He is out living his life why can't I get passed him?
I am still just in so much shock. I feel like I am just standing here with this confused look on my face and the world is just zooming past me. How do you tell yourself it's really over? How do you make yourself realize I probably won't ever hear from him again, we are done? It just hasn't hit me yet I guess.
I am just having a really hard day with an even harder weekend to come. I just really needed to post here and write it all out.
Re:4 year anniversary would be tomorrow (having a hard time) jimloveless: writing is good, but having a friend to lean on is better. the folks here are great, but it's hard to beat a good, real life shoulder to cry on. If you have a friend or some family that can help you get through this, allow them to do so.
Try not to be alone and give your heart some time to heal. You deserve to love again and you deserve to be loved.
take it one day at a time. don't worry about tomorrow. try not to dwell in the past. Today is all about today, broken. And trust in this: you're not alone. Every one here will tell you that it will get better with time.
Re:4 year anniversary would be tomorrow (having a hard time) ChiefWiggum: Dear brokehearted,
A few years ago, I was the guy who met the girl at work and ended a long relationship. We weren't living together, though (not sure about you). I have a few things I want to say to you:
First, I have started talking to her (my ex girlfriend) now after a few years. She is so much smarter, stronger, and better off now without me, it's just difficult to understand. I'm not sure quite how she did it, but she has friends and people who care about her everywhere, owns her own home, a nice new car, great job, a PhD, and stronger family ties. She wasn't like that before.
Second, I'm happy you want to yell at him. I would feel bad if you just wanted him back. He's doesn't deserve you. Seriously. Honestly. Dont' just glance over that sentence. HE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU.
Third, I know it tough to imagine them at work, but keep this in mind if it will make you feel better: he's the kind of guy who will leave for a "better" girl. She's the kind of girl who is interested in committed guys. It's a ticking time bomb (at least it was in my case)
Fourth, if you want to yell at someone you can yell at me.
Fifth, I had something similar happen to me, so I know the pain. As for coping and "getting on" with my life (I'm only 2 months into it now), I found a hobby (sailboat racing with a team) and I spend all my free daytime doing that. I sleep at night (use nyquil to help me get to sleep on the tough nights).
Good luck, and I'm sorry,
CW
