Re:No answers!!!!!!!!!! Smiley17: I know it's easy for a guy who has been burned to take that burn and transfer it to his other relationships, and it's easy for women to do the same thing, only in different ways. Women compare men to each other, even if we don't always admit it, men do it too, only they compare the negativities, at least in my experience anyway. I compare the positives... almost seeing (in my mind) if the new guy lives up to the old guy??? Weird, I know, but we're still "shopping" here.
I was dating this one guy recently who pulled out all the stops early on and then one day BAM! It all ended and I was the one who was pulling out all the stops just to try to keep him. I began to look for "the one" while with him because he just didn't seem to care anymore, yet I still tried to keep him because he had my heart. It was my pride that was hurt. To me he was looking for "the one", so I just followed along.
Then I began to compare him openly to other guys because I felt there was nothing left to lose. If the interest is gone, why bother hiding anything?
I got the "I don't like to talk on the phone" line... after we spent weeks talking for hours at a time on the phone. Yeah, don't give me that cr*p, buddy!
He had my heart so the effort went out the window... sadly that's all I seem to find lately...
My 2 cents.
-KB
Re:No answers!!!!!!!!!! riversandlakes:
Does it not indicate immaturity to not even able to face the victim and tell him/her that "I have changed"? If I didn't manage to steal the dinner, we would ended completely on texting and me calling her.
Too much guilt? For these breed? I'll bet on immaturity.
Sense? Answers? Seems like it's better to stop asking, and focus on the bumpy rollercoaster ride ahead, dear.
Re:No answers!!!!!!!!!! gumby55555: This thread sorta struck a nerve with me so I figured I'd just bump it up because I'm really interested in everyone's thoughts and ideas on this one...
Re:No answers!!!!!!!!!! timetobefree: My thoughts on this...
First, I know it is our nature to do so, but I think it is short-sighted to classify all the people in the world into neat little categories. We are all too complex with too much going on in our lives for that to fit nicely. Commitment-phobes, easy-going, etc. I wish it were that easy, but it is not. Perhaps break-ups have everything to do with the person. But perhaps there are extenuating circumstances. Who knows?
I think like gumby said in his original post, there are things that we wish we could say, but we don't, because we feel like the time is not right. Or perhaps it is just us. Or perhaps we have been taught not to. Perhaps we feel it is not nice to say something that will hurt someone's feelings, etc. So we keep it inside. And then finally, when we can't take it anymore, we just push the person away because it is easier than having the discussion that has now been building for weeks or months.
You know, the more I write, the more I just don't know. But I think we often focus on "what is it about me that made them break up with me" instead of "what is going on in their life that would make them break up with me." Maybe not in these particular situations, now I am just thinking in general.
Hmmmm, any other thoughts out there, because all I have done is muddy the water! ;D
Amy
Re:No answers!!!!!!!!!! gumby55555: [quote author=timetobefree link=board=1;threadid=11563;start=0#msg94550 date=1116278621">
You know, the more I write, the more I just don't know. But I think we often focus on "what is it about me that made them break up with me" instead of "what is going on in their life that would make them break up with me." Maybe not in these particular situations, now I am just thinking in general.
[/quote">
Well, muddied waters are where the lotus blooms so perhaps muddying them ain't such a bad thing, eh? :) But I really like what you propose, Amy... we *do* get so caught up in our own perspective and, perhaps, sometimes it's beneficial to change perspectives and think about what's going on in the other person's life (and in their head). It's too bad that didn't happen before the fact... to bad and also a little unfair. Which is exactly why this thread interests me... I wonder if this unfairness arises from immaturity or fear or something else entirely. I wonder if all women will eventually exhibit it, at least to enough of an extent to undermine our relationship. And I wonder if *I* exhibit it, as well... since, in my present relationship, I'm not all too eager to disclose all the doubts, etc. right up front. I know I wouldn't just let it seethe under my skin and eventually just push them away, though... I know that, if asked, I'm very up front and honest... but I'm also kinda confused and can completely relate to the "the more I write, the more I just don't know" syndrome... :)
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