My husband cheated two weeks before being deployed to Iraq Militarywife: I am the wife of a deployed soldier, he has been gone to Iraq since Nov.2004. We have a daugther who will be 2 in July and thank God I have her or I would go crazy. I found out 3 days after he left that he had cheated on me two weeks before he was to go for training, before being deployed. The girl he cheated with called me up and told me what had been going on, I guess she got mad because he told her it was a mistake and she wanted to hurt him by hurting me. What I am trying to say is that I have seen my Husband a total of 9 days when the military gave him emergency leave at night after training during the day, for us to work on our marriage. And may I add that I had to go where he was 9 hours away and stay in a hotel. He cried and said it was the first time he had ever done anything like this and in my heart I believe him because he has always been a very shy man and the type to never be late from work and we as a family stayed in and did family things. I decided that we would try to work things out and stay together.Honestly 9 days is not long enough to make such an important decision. I did however tell him that if he was not happy with me to let me take the year he will be gone to heal. He said that he loved me and wanted me not to leave him. He calls home almost everyday and sends letters and emails. I have not talked about the affair with him since he arrived in Iraq, I figure he has enough on his mind right now. He does however tell me how sorry he is from time to time and cries on the phone and it really upsets me because I want to cuss him out sometimes because I can't deal with my pain and his guilt at the same time. I feel so angry that he has made me deal with this on top of him being deployed. Now I have feelings of guilt when I get angry at him because he is in a dangerous place. I have not been able to truley get angry. I get mad on the days he does not call or if he is later calling than normal. I have thoughts that he might be calling her instead of me which I know is not true because he does not now that I get a statement from his prepaid calling card that shows all the people he calls on it. YES you can do that. But anyway what can I do until he gets home and we can really start to work on our marraige because I know that a year will have gone by but you can't heal or truley forgive someone if they are not physically around everyday to prove and show me that he is sorry.He could tell me anything while he is there and I would never know if it was the truth or a lie. He has all the power right know because I cant just pick up the phone and call him. Please give me some advice.
Re:My husband cheated two weeks before being deployed to Iraq Chey: First off a HUGE hug.....thank you for finding us.
You know...I guess this is one of those areas where you have to think that waiting a year is probably such a very very long time. In the grand scheme of things though, this is a time where as a married couple you would have waited and trusted and hoped for his safe return. So waiting this year would be something you would do anyway?
Unfortunately it's even more torturous because you have no idea what will happen on your return. You do however have the opportunity to take this time to start journelling your thoughts. Writing them down. Perhaps you can't tell him how you feel, but putting them down somewhere might be what you need. To give to him when he gets back. To help him understand what you went through, what this did to you. It might even give you time to work through your own feelings of being rejected,since essentially that is what this is.
He seems very very torn up about this, and you feel he is genuine in his remorse? Is there any possibility to take this time to rebuild your communication with your husband through the phone calls, letters and emails?
What a terribly difficult position to be in, but at the base of all this you do seem to genuinly love your husband, and I think that's the most important foundation here.
Best of luck,
Chey
Re:My husband cheated two weeks before being deployed to Iraq Dino: Hey there militarywife.
It's a horrible thing your husband did to you. He did realise what a mistake it was and tell the other woman it was over. At least thats what it sounds like to me from what you said.
It's entirely in your hands as to what you do. Use this time while he is deployed to figure out what you want. Decide for yourself if your marriage is worth saving and if you can forgive his infidelity. Don't go out and find another man out of anger or revenge. I'm pretty sure that won't help.
While he is away you should be able to objectively evaluate your relationship and its future.
Good luck
Re:My husband cheated two weeks before being deployed to Iraq gulfcoast: You definetly have alot of things to sort through it is going to be tough. Just try to make any and all decisions while calm. Ask yourself what do you think he would do in the reverse. If you had cheated. BetterDino is right, don't run out and grab up a cheap one nighter because you are hurt or mad. It will only hurt you. I know someone who cheated on there husband and he forgave her. Then a few years later he cheated on her and she said it was over. Some people want to be forgiven but are not willing to forgive. Only you know in your heart if you have it in you to be able to forgive and go forward with your marriage. You will never forget, but maybe you can forgive. Not ever throwing it in his face. It is hard but i have seen it done several times. I know there are plenty of people here to lean on during this difficult time. Vent it out so you can sit and think about it all without letting the hurt make you make the wrong decision. I wish the best......we are here for you.Sounds like you want it to work....so shoot for it.....but you have to give it alot of work....
