You're In My Personal Space ChristyM: Ok, I never lack for dating problems. Here's another and I need your help ...
I've been dating a great guy and I like a lot of things about him. He's a great person, honest, good looking, doesn't play games and seems to genuinely care about my daughter. He's also a great dad to his daughter which is a trait that is severely lacking in my ex.
So, what's the prob? He lives on the island with me (not WITH me, but about a mile from me) and so we see each other fairly often. In the past, when I've dated guys they've been some distance away so they couldn't "check up on me" for lack of a better phrase or invade my space. This guy gives me my space in a lot of ways, but in other ways he's cloistering. For example, we will go to the beach together and then he will come back to my house to "hang out". That's fine, but he doesn't seem to get the subtle hints I drop to give him the idea that I have things to do and don't want to spend the WHOLE day with him. I know this seems petty, but I want to ASK him to spend time with me, not have it just be assumed that my time is his time.
He came over on Friday night to watch movies and he and his daughter ended up crashing at my house. We all slept on the floor (fully clothed) but many times I woke up and wanted nothing more than to just go crawl in my bed. For some reason, I thought that would be rude so I stayed there. Then when we all woke up on Saturday morning he took his time leaving. I think if my daughter and I didn't have a racquetball time reserved at the gym he would've stayed all day. I feel bad for having these thoughts because he is a very giving person and has done a lot of nice things for me.
How do I explain to him that I DO like spending time with him but ... see, I can't even really convey here what I'm trying to say. Am I just being selfish? I don't want to lose this guy ...
Christy
Re:You're In My Personal Space tyrogers: Just tell him. You need your space. You need your personal time with your daughter. If he does not understand that, then maybe he isn't who you thought he was. Know what I mean? I know exactly what you are trying to convey to us. It is difficult to explain but I know what you are saying.
I would just sit him down and tell him. Tell him you are not trying to distance yourself, reassure him that you are totally interested in him, reassure him that he is a great guy.....but let him know.
BBH - Ty
Re:You're In My Personal Space Blueyes424: Christy,
You are not being selfish. You just need to tell him, "ya know, I like spending time with you and I enjoy your company, but I also need a little bit of time and space to myself. I think the time we spend together is great (if that applies), but I also need time to just sit back and enjoy it being just me."
If he is as giving as you say, he will understand and not take offense to it. Just be honest with him. Like my mom always told me, "honesty is the best policy!"
Blueyes
Re:You're In My Personal Space dj: I'm sure that he just sees this as a natural progression in the relationship...that you spend more and more time together...unasked even. If you are feeling encroached on, you definitely need to say something, especially since you DON'T want to lose him.
Re:You're In My Personal Space jimloveless: jeez! Be HONEST. worry about your feelings now while they are little feelings instead of later when they are breakup material.
had my own wife shared her little resentments with me long, long ago, i'm sure we'd still be together today.
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