Re: Trying to be friends? ostia: Well, we haven't decided that we're definitely divorcing yet. This all started less than 2 months ago, and we haven't even made up a separation agreement yet. He did move in with his brother in another state, though.
My husband did say to me one time that he felt the realtionship had been damaged beyond repair by all our bickeering over money, career, buyng a house, etc. But since that one awful conversation (also the one in which I found out about his online affair), we've been talking much more warmly, enjoying each other again, and discussing eventualy reconciliation. It's like it cleared the air somehow.
I think he may just be freaking out and having an identity crisis..the awful talk came right after he flunked out of graduate school (which REALLY wounded his ego) and was fired from his job...so I'm thinking that his behavior may have somewhat less to do with me and our relationship than he thinks.
All this doesn't solve the problem of what to do if you adore someone madly but you want very different things in life, though.
And then theres this affair of his that's complicating things quite a lot. She started being extremely possessive even before they met (!), and I think it will be hard to even remain friends with him if he continues to see her for that reason (not to mention that fact that no matter how much I love him, if he leaves me for someone else I will want to kill both of them...I am human!)
I guess it's just too soon to say. He has to calm down a little more and figure out what he really wants, and we'll have to decide how much of the financial/responsibility issues can be worked out. Also, he has to stop seeing this woman.
Waiting is so hard, though.
Re:Trying to be friends? JASPER: Ostia,
What the he!! are you waiting for?Are you waiting to see if him and the other woman are going to work out or not.I totally understand your dilema me and my stbx are great friends as well and have still been trying to maintain that friendship throughour seperation which has been almost 2 months as well.Over the last couple of weeks I've come to realize this will never work how can you be friends with someone you still have feelings for?For me there are just to many emotions there for that.Finacial problems were also a problem in my marriage and as much as we hate to admit it it can make or break a relationship because sure we love one another but hey love don't make no turds if you get my drift.And sure were friends now but as soon as I start seeing someone else I'm sure all that will come to a end.I think if it is really over then you must heal from this before you can even consider being his friend or else it just makes things more complicated.Do you want to work things out with your ex or do you want to just move on only you can decide that,and if your going to work at it then I dont understand how dating other people is helping the situation.My stbx still wants to sleep toghether go out together and I wish I had just cut off contact in the first place cause the more I give him the more he wants,and I don't want to recocile for what he is the same man he was 2 moths ago nothing has changed so why shlould I try again.I think trying to be friends to fast is just prolonging the situation.You say if he leaves you for someone else you will be mad ,but he has already did that love how could he be seriously trying to recocile with you and still see her.Dont stay on the side line watchin the game until he decides to let you play.Go out and find your own game to play in you might just enjoy it.Good luck on whatever you decide.
