You Stomped On MyHeart...and I Let You HopeEternal: I realize now that we weren't that good a match. But I don't think I will ever forgive you for the way you handled things. Sometimes ripping off the bandaid is the way to go. You could have done that, you know. You could have spared me these last five years of anger and torment.
I hope, and I really shouldn't but I do, I hope that whoever you are with treats you the way you treated me at the end. I hope he goes out most every night nd tells you it is with "friends." I hope he cuts you off romantically and tells you he is just having a hard time mentally right now. I hope that he suddenly starts dating someone and turns your heart into a squishy palpitating mess that makes you nauseous.
I am sure I won't feel this way much longer. The realization that you just aren't a quality person and that I deserve MUCH better will help in my healing. You keep saying that losing your parents changed you into a different person and that I don't even know you anymore.
Truth is, I never knew you. I let my own insecurity blind me from the fact that you and I were about as compatible as pickles and dog hair. Thank you for our great kids, but not for anything else.
You brought nothing to the marriage, you showed no interest in my life, my work or any of the things I was interested in. Yet you expected me to show interest in the things you liked. Strange how those things are basically just health and beauty. Stranger still how your new boyfriend is into those things too.
You must be perfect for each other. No deep diving there. Shallow waters only.
You see, you were never good enough for me. That is my fault. I settled because I was vain and insecure. Never again, Miss S. Never again.
I hope you are happy, but if you are not, I really don't care, as long as you treat the kids well. Wallow in freakish misery forever if that is what life brings you-and sometimes I think it is what you deserve.
I am not crying for you. I am crying for the 13 years I spent with you and how I was blind to the fact that about 5 of them were even mildly enjoyable. I am crying for the wasted time and how hard it is to start over.
If you catch me crying, don't take it personally. It isn't about you. I know you are incapable of feeling anything for me so don't pretend to have sympathy. I don't need it, I don't want it and I won't accept it.
Farewell.
